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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718440">The Memory and the Mourning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatyaTrixie/pseuds/KatyaTrixie'>KatyaTrixie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>perhaps love [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1960s, AU, Angst, Blood and Gore, Bloodplay, Cannibalism, F/F, Fluff, Free Will, Grief/Mourning, Other, Pain, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Shooting Guns, Spellwell - Freeform, a little smut, i'm sorry in advance, soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:40:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>41,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatyaTrixie/pseuds/KatyaTrixie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set a few months after Mary's Prayer, this story is a continuation of sorts. It would help to read that one first, but it will still make sense if you haven't. This one’s different. You’ve been warned. :)</p><p>What if Lilith came to Greendale for an entirely different reason than to push Sabrina towards the Path of Night?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zelda Spellman &amp; Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith, Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>perhaps love [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. breathe again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The devil's in the basement in my home </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A flight of stairs is way too close </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He comes for me when I'm alone </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Collecting debts that I don't owe - </em>
</p><p>
  <em> joy oladokun </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She awoke with a gasp, the air was smoky, and she glanced about for evidence of a fire, something to give off the distinct, pungent odor of sulphur, but she saw nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Still hovering in the world between sleep and waking, for she surely was dreaming, but something was definitely amiss.</p><p> </p><p>A light thump was all she heard at first, a faint dropping sound, followed by a pop. No protection spells alerted, nothing ominous invading their fortress in the night. Not suspicious at all in a house like hers, not frightening, not even worth getting out of bed to investigate. Hilda did not budge, so maybe she had imagined it.</p><p> </p><p><em> It’s probably Sabrina coming home. </em>Looking at the clock she realized it was just after midnight, the witching hour. Curiosity got the better of her.</p><p> </p><p>Sabrina’s door was closed, and Zelda heard her gentle snores as she opened it to check on her niece. </p><p> </p><p>Taking a few steps towards the space Ambrose occupied, the distinct, cloying aroma of marijuana and incense reached her. The scratch of a record and humming assured her that he was indeed the source of the noise, and she returned to bed, wishing Mary was in the guest room as she had been last weekend, when they were alone.</p><p> </p><p>Mind turning to how glorious that time had been, she smiled to herself, now warm, flush with memories of loving Mary and Mary caring for her in return, the giddy wonder of being with someone you care deeply for, in spite of how they had parted that night. Zelda dared let herself feel happy with Mary in a way she had not felt in so very long. </p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>She had not gotten down to the embalming room until mid-morning, having sent Ambrose to research an ancient tome regarding the Egyptian mummification process, and as she opened the door leading to the basement, she noticed the overhead lights were blinking, a clear remnant of magic in the air. Feeling for the switch on the wall, flipping it up and down several times, the strobe effect stopped, but the hairs on the back of her neck were now standing on end. There was a body on the table.</p><p> </p><p>Oddly enough, she would think later, her first thought was to pray. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hail Lilith, full of disgrace…. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>This did nothing to calm her frayed nerves, the thoughts in her mind seeming to cause a crackle around her, sending a charge up her spine, making her, if anything, more alert and on guard.</p><p> </p><p>She approached from the left side, for the head was turned away from her. The antediluvian clothing, torn and frayed from being dragged it seemed, was askew on the form, one shoe having been lost in the journey. Her legs lay twisted, the stockings soaked in blood. A galaxy of bruises marred the jawline, the hair matted with blood from a wound quite certainly having pierced the carotid artery, she was almost unrecognizable. </p><p> </p><p>Zelda walked around to look into the face more closely, and lost her footing, as more blood had pooled onto the floor. She sank down to her knees, putting herself at eye level with the body on her embalming table.</p><p> </p><p><em> No no no no no no no! </em>her mind screamed, refused to look. She closed her eyes, shook her head back and forth, hit her forehead with her palm, anything to clear her vision, for surely this wasn’t right.</p><p> </p><p>Her gut reaction was to scream, to wail in disbelief, but she did not give in to what she was feeling, not wanting to alert anyone else in the house.</p><p> </p><p>Instead she fell backwards, fist to her mouth, trying to crawl away and failing, the blood she had sunk into impeding her departure. </p><p> </p><p>She flailed, reaching for the sink behind her, pulling herself up.</p><p> </p><p>Putting some distance between the table and herself, she forced her eyes upon the face again.</p><p> </p><p>No, she wasn’t having a horrible nightmare, this wasn’t a demon torturing her mind into seeing a mirage, this was real.</p><p> </p><p>For there was her Mary, lying dead upon the table.</p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>It was the inner deluge of pain that brought Hilda running, for she was so in tune with her sister’s moods and emotions. When Zelda was overwrought or distressed, her defensive walls fell in rapid succession, her emotions spewing forth like a river when a dam was breached.</p><p> </p><p>Finding Zelda in a pool of blood on the floor sent Hilda sputtering to her side, not even glancing at the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Zelda, Zelda, are you hurt, love? Is this your blood?”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda felt the tentacles of Hilda’s psyche prodding into her mind, her empathic abilities forcing their way into her sister’s current emotional trauma. She shook her head at Hilda’s question, mainly to deter her infernal hindrance, to frighten her enough to leave. </p><p> </p><p>“I know you hate when I ‘get in your head’ as you say, but I heard you clearly from the garden.” Hilda hesitated, hanging back, giving Zelda a moment, for Zelda’s overly dramatic reactions were usually followed by a tongue lashing. </p><p> </p><p>Zelda could hear her sister, but it seemed her voice  was coming from under water, the blood rushing through her ears, pounding into her brain. </p><p> </p><p>She turned and looked at Hilda, then uttered one word, a whisper, barely heard above the motor of the refrigerated unit in the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Mary.”</p><p> </p><p>It was at that moment that Hilda glanced at the table. She slumped against the sink, hand to her mouth, eyes filling with tears. But Zelda’s quiet whimper reminded her that there would be time for her own pain, her focus should be on helping her emotionally paralyzed sister, for she was clearly going into some sort of shock.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Satan,” she whispered. “Zelds, what can I do? Should I get Ambrose?”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda shook her head, unable to look Hilda in the eye, to share the pain as reality was slowly setting in. </p><p> </p><p>“Was it an accident?” Hilda asked without malice, for she knew her sister’s proclivities led to violence on occasion, and she was not entirely aware of the depth of the relationship she and Mary shared.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda looked up, cavernous agony reflected in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You think I….I could never….”</p><p> </p><p>She tried to speak, words failing her, and she found herself unable to draw a breath, her chest tight, pain shooting from her throat to her stomach. What was this?</p><p> </p><p>Staring wide-eyed, she pleaded, begged, anything to draw a breath beyond this wheezing she heard from her own body.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re hyperventilating. Breathe through your mouth, slowly. Take your time, lamb. You’ve had such a shock.” Hilda’s attempt at a comforting tone had no effect.</p><p> </p><p>The room spun around Zelda, as she gripped her own sides, willing air into her burning chest. Hilda muttered in the background about getting Ambrose for help until she finally transported the two of them to their bedroom, helping Zelda remove her bloodstained clothes, the redhead’s hands trembling with the effort of the buttons, her emotions so raw and battered, Hilda had no idea how she was keeping them bottled up as she was.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not real. That’s not Mary. That’s some poor soul who looks like her. No, that’s not my Mary,” Zelda whispered as she handed Hilda her skirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Zelda…”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Don’t say it! I won’t hear that.”</p><p> </p><p>Hilda sighed and lightly stroked her sister’s arm, knowing how volatile Zelda could be, as this pain had not yet truly registered, anxiety and nerves causing Zelda’s entire body alternatively to shake and stand stark still.</p><p> </p><p>“Do not let anyone near her. And don’t take my clothes.” Zelda firmly spoke as she stood motionless now, unsure of what to do, how to proceed. </p><p> </p><p>Hilda gently folded her skirt and blouse, leaving them at the foot of her sister’s bed. She moved to stand before Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>“What can I do? How can I help?” </p><p> </p><p>A thought entered her mind, a farfetched ridiculous idea. The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, her voice high-pitched and hysterical even to her own ears.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s bury her in the Cain pit, sister. Let’s bring her back. She’ll come back, I kn-”</p><p> </p><p>Hilda placed a gentle hand on her arm, squeezing lightly, a bit of injected reality; Zelda smacked it away, a sob she tried desperately to hold in escaping her throat.</p><p> </p><p>Hilda’s low voice cut through the shock like lightning in a summer storm.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s too late for that, even if it would work, we’re out of time.”</p><p> </p><p>The edges of Zelda’s vision seemed to blacken a bit at that proclamation, her breathing going sideways again as she gripped the bedpost, followed by waves of rippling nausea.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda looked into her sister’s eyes, no strength left in her to talk, and crawled up into the bed. Looking into the self-same green eyes, Hilda’s heart jolted, for Zelda’s were almost gray with suffering. She spoke around the tears that were threatening her tenuous voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Just don’t allow Ambrose or Sabrina to go downstairs. And don’t tell them.” </p><p> </p><p>Hilda turned off the lamp as she walked quietly out of the room, looking back at Zelda sitting on the edge of her bed, before she closed the door.</p><p> </p><p>Not one hour later, Zelda was back downstairs, wearing her coveralls she used when working on a body. Carefully walking back down the stairs, she closed and locked the door behind her, even though a novice witch could break a door lock, but it would hopefully deter the rest of her family.</p><p> </p><p>Fully expecting to see a clean table as she descended the stairs, she began to shake as she saw the body before her again.</p><p> </p><p>She thought of their weekend again, Mary walking around wrapped in Zelda’s silk robe, hair loose and flowing down her back, eyes hooded and dark, reaching for Zelda….</p><p> </p><p>This could not be real. She refused to believe it. And yet, this lifeless body was here.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What happened?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The question kept swirling through her mind, and without answers readily available, action was her savior right now.</p><p> </p><p>She gathered herself, moving without thought to prepare the body, for whomever this was, preparations needed to be made.</p><p> </p><p>No one having brought in or claiming this body made the decision to embalm difficult because, as Zelda could plainly see, decomposition was already taking place. The tips of her fingers were already discolored, her feet were darkening; the circulation that was no longer pumping life into those extremities was taking its toll. Deciding that the embalming process would not benefit anyone, and only delayed the inevitable, she chose to proceed in a more traditional way.</p><p> </p><p>She could not begin with the face, even though that was her preferred starting point. Looking into the visage of someone who resembled her lover wasn’t something she could endure first. </p><p> </p><p>Standing at the end of the table, Zelda began removing the stockings and the one remaining shoe, placing them carefully behind her. Bright red polish stained her toes, and Zelda thought of the lazy Saturday they had 2 weeks prior, their time beginning with pedicures and mimosas. <em> Anyone could have red toenails, this doesn’t mean anything.  </em></p><p> </p><p>The body was very pliable, meaning the time of rigor mortis had come and gone. Zelda easily removed her skirt, sweater, and blouse, leaving the woman in her undergarments, and a sob caught in Zelda’s throat, recalling the way Mary had proudly shown off this particular lingerie set, blushing as she looked at Zelda from under her lashes. <em> No, it cannot be her, this cannot have happened. We had so little time… </em></p><p> </p><p>Knowing Mary as she did, intimately, she recognized a scar that ran across her upper arm, a leftover mark from some childhood accident Mary had told her about with a laugh. <em> Mary said she lived outside as a girl, running and playing, and caught her arm on a tree branch as she climbed to the top. But anyone could have a scar like that. </em>Zelda leaned down and kissed the scar gently. A lone tear coursed down her cheek, and she placed the remainder of her clothing on the counter, determined to finish what she began. </p><p> </p><p>Moving gingerly to her face, taking a cloth and dipping into a gentle solution, Zelda cleaned the blood and grime from the woman’s face, turning it this way and that, taking note of the prominent cheekbones, thin lips, all of it together pieces of a puzzle, waiting to be completed. <em> I cannot accept this, this isn’t real. </em></p><p> </p><p>Loosening the pins from the tangled hair, finger combing through it, releasing all the curls from their pent up design, Zelda brought out a solution, poured a bit in her hand, and reverently washed the dark curls. Her vision blurred, and she fought back all her emotion, for she could cry later, she could process later, this task had to be completed.</p><p> </p><p>As she finished brushing out the freshly washed hair, she happened upon the wound again, one finger gently stroking the skin of the woman’s neck. The shape of it intrigued her, wishing she might’ve happened to come downstairs sooner, perhaps a bit of life still clinging to her might’ve given Hilda a clue, a way to reach in and decipher what had brought her to this point. Pushing that aside, she caressed the soft skin around the wound as if to soothe her own pain, a time for regrets and what-ifs wasn’t for this moment. </p><p> </p><p>Using soft strokes, she cleaned the body carefully, lovingly, worshipfully. She recalled kissing the lips she now moisturized, the breasts she had cared for with her fingertips and tongue, she now cleaned with tenderness. The fingers that had stroked Zelda’s body, creating a rhythm of pure bliss and joy, now lay broken and shattered by Mary’s sides. For this <em> was </em> Mary, and Zelda could no longer deny it any more than she could deny her own existence. </p><p> </p><p>She needed help moving the body from the table to a tray to be stored in a refrigerated drawer, so she draped a sheet over Mary’s torso, but not before she ran a hand lovingly down her body, the cold resistance so unlike the warmth that had exuded from Mary, the exuberance she had about life, the joy that had permeated any room she entered. Zelda felt something in her harden, a seed of hope she had allowed to grow now withered and died. </p><p> </p><p>Walking up the stairs, she wiped at her eyes, quickly whispering a spell that repaired her ruined makeup and hair.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully Hilda was the only one in the kitchen, and while handling the bodies wasn’t something Zelda would normally ask her to assist in doing, she knew her sister would make an exception.</p><p> </p><p>Hilda’s eyes searched Zelda’s face, and Zelda lit a cigarette, turning away from her sister to choke back any emotion Hilda could question, tamping down all the anxiety and pain, locking it away until she knew she was alone. She would deal with this, but on her time table, at her pace, and not before, and certainly not in front of prying eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I need your help,” Zelda’s voice sounded foreign even to her, for she had not spoken for hours, since Hilda had left her at her bedside.</p><p> </p><p>Hilda moved to stand by her side, her presence warm and comforting, but stifling all the same. “You’ve been down with Mar...the body. Have you been...is she?” Hilda couldn’t seem to get the words out.</p><p> </p><p>“The body is prepared to be dressed and buried if that’s what you’re trying to say,” Her words came out much more harshly than she intended, but Zelda couldn’t have cared less. Moving away from her sister’s smothering presence, Zelda scowled at Hilda, then settled her face into a mask of indifference, trying unsuccessfully to hide her overwhelming pain. She just wanted to deal with the task at hand, get a bottle of whiskey, and go hide for the next twenty-four hours.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, oh, okay, so you need my help lifting her?”</p><p> </p><p>“For Satan’s sake, Hilda, yes. I can’t move her alone, you’re the only one home, no one else can even know she’s here, so yes, that’s what I need. Will you help me or not?” Zelda’s eyes blazed now, she hated to have to come out and ask, and perhaps this was Hilda’s way to try to get her to talk. She wasn’t having any of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Zelda, I’ll help,” her voice low, whether from the rebuke or chagrin at her own actions, Zelda didn’t know. But she placed her hand on Hilda’s arm as she passed, an apology of sorts.</p><p> </p><p>They retreated to the basement. Hilda positioned the table next to the tray and stood at the foot. Zelda slid her hands under Mary’s shoulders and lifted while Hilda did the same at the feet. They deposited her onto the tray, the shiny steel cold against their fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda slid the tray inside the cold storage and closed the door, leaving her hand on the cold metal, her back to her sister. Approaching her side, Hilda reached out to lay her hand on Zelda’s back, but before she made contact, Zelda spoke in a low, almost ominous voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, sister, and now I very much need you to leave.”</p><p> </p><p>“Zelds, are you sure? I can clean up in here, and this isn’t the best time for you to be alone…”</p><p> </p><p>The glare Zelda shot towards her caused Hilda to flinch, but the words had her scurrying for the door.</p><p> </p><p>“GET OUT! I can and will clean, and if anyone knows best what I need right now, I do! Now go!” </p><p> </p><p>Hilda hurried back upstairs, feeling very much like an intruder in the grief that surrounded her sister.</p><p> </p><p>When she no longer heard footsteps, Zelda let the quiet surround her, but the chilled metal in her hand brought her back to reality all too soon.</p><p> </p><p>Without moving, Zelda’s eyes closed and all the pent up emotion she had held back erupted from her in a wail. She dropped to her knees, still gripping the handle.</p><p> </p><p>She sobbed, slamming her hand against the door, each breath she took a knife in her lungs. Her Mary was gone, and for all she knew, it was entirely her fault.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Blessed, merciful darkness overtook her as soon as she was able to get herself to her bed, having drunk half a bottle of whiskey sitting on the tile floor of their embalming room.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: self-harm mentioned </p>
<p>Thank y'all for your comments. I know this is quite a departure from Mary's Prayer, and I hope you'll keep reading. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Sometimes, I just can't control my thoughts </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> No medication's ever made them stop </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> All I think about is everything I'm not </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Instead of everything I got -</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sasha Sloan</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Blessed, merciful darkness overtook her as soon as she was able to get herself to her bed, having drunk half a bottle of whiskey sitting on the tile floor of their embalming room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stripping off her coveralls, she had taken Mary’s clothes with her, nearly crawling up the stairs, and thankfully hearing no one. And then the night closed in around her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda’s dreams took her through all the moments she shared with Mary, their time in New York on the field trip, perusing the old book shop, standing on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, gawking like tourists, imbibing in the hotel bar after the girls were tucked away in their beds. Taking the girls to the reading of <em> Lolita, </em>Zelda could not concentrate on the speaker, instead watching Mary and the utter rapture on her face, for this was clearly Mary’s element. Coupling these with their time alone in the city, discovering each other, Mary almost otherworldly in her dark blue dress. Her hazy dreamworld memories were mixed with desire, for Zelda dreamed of tucking a stray curl behind Mary’s ear, cupping her cheek, and drawing her close for a gentle kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And it was this thought that lingered as Zelda awoke, Mary’s sweater pressed to her chest, and she grasped for the last vapors of the dream as it faded away. Breathing in Mary’s soft floral scent, she placed the sweater under her pillow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Head pounding, mouth desert dry, she dragged herself into the bathroom to drink some water, a glance at her lower body revealing dried blood caked on her legs. She needed to shower, but didn’t have the energy or motivation to stand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She ran a bath, poured in some lavender oils, stood by as the tub filled. Her silk robe hung on a hook behind the door, another testament to her weekend with Mary. Mercifully her exhausted body seemed depleted of tears for now, but the sobs came, exacerbating her headache further. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stepping into the tub, she held herself, curled into her own body. Remembering this spot, Mary laid back against her, but sitting in bubbles, as Mary had requested. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mary, blushing furiously, confidence beaming, had admitted to Zelda that she had only allowed herself to feel these pleasures as of late, her desires safely tucked away. Women, Mary had said, seemed like a forbidden fruit for so long, but once she had a taste, she could think of nothing else. Mary gave so very much, never thinking of herself, so it was so easy to satisfy her, to care for her, to bring her over the edge. Mary was a wonder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Mary had been a wonder.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda’s mind brought her cruelly back into the present. She laid back, slipping under the water, willing herself to stay submerged as long as possible, until her vision blackened at the periphery. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly Hilda was there, and she pulled Zelda up, sputtering and angry, full of pain and rage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How dare you?! I told you to go, leave me alone, you aren’t my keeper!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How dare I Zelda? Well, how dare you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? You have no right to barge in here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You forget, sister, that when your defenses are down you cry out in other ways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh leave me be, Hilda. I can’t do this now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe not now, but you will talk to me. One way or another, you will talk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda stomped angrily out of the bathroom, leaving Zelda in the cooling bathwater, the ghost of Mary and her memories hovering around her.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>The day passed into night again, and with the darkening sky, the quiet household mood grew darker. Sabrina had come home, Ambrose had emerged from his room, Hilda chattering away to them as the three gathered around the table, concerned for Zelda. She overheard them whispering as she left the parlor, on her way upstairs with a clean glass and another bottle of whiskey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stood just outside the kitchen, hidden in the shadows, listening to Hilda explain how Zelda wasn’t feeling herself, how she needed space and time. It wasn’t as if this was foreign to them, Zelda always had had her gloomy, morose times, and they were mostly respectful of her, and if she locked herself away for days, it didn’t seem to matter much anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But she’s seemed almost happy lately, ever since our field trip to New York. She even laughed at one of Dr. Cee’s jokes the other night at dinner, and didn’t even bite Harvey’s head off when he asked if he could borrow the hearse for our Halloween party. Do you think she will, Auntie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know, Sabrina. But sometimes circumstances change who we are, in ways we don’t even understand, and she deals with things the best way she knows how.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I hope she doesn’t back out on loaning Harvey the car.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sabrina, she drank herself into a stupor in the embalming room, and all you’re worried about is the car?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, Ambrose, it’s important to me. I mean, I hope she’s okay too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a shake of her head, Zelda turned and walked back up the stairs. </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>The rain pounding on the roof later shook her awake, she stared about the dark room in confusion. Her bedside clock read 2:45, and as she moved to leave the bed, the full bottle of whiskey rolled over towards the edge. Her body had given in to exhaustion and she had slept a dreamless sleep, but she felt fully awake now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda had not slept in her bed, the covers undisturbed, and it seemed she was giving Zelda the privacy she asked for earlier. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grabbing for the whiskey and glass, she headed down into the bottom of her house. Dressing again in her coveralls, pouring herself a double, she pulled a stool over by the drawer that held Mary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda heard a roll of thunder and was reminded of the first day she laid eyes on Mary Wardwell. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was another rainy day like this one, and Sabrina had forgotten a project due that morning for her first class, Hilda had been out, and so it fell to Zelda to drive to Baxter High, for Sabrina could not be appeased any other way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Warily eyeing the mortal boys lounging by the entrance, she located the school office and waited patiently behind a woman arguing with a smaller man. The man, with an air of feigned superiority, sighed and tapped his foot as the woman passionately pleaded her case, hands waving about, voice modulating as her arguments seemed to be getting her nowhere. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t the argument she was making, nor the words she was saying Zelda remembered. She didn’t recall Mary’s clothing, stance, hairstyle, anything of the sort. But if someone had asked her then what it was about Mary that stood out, what made her different, Zelda would say it was Mary herself. She, like Zelda, was a woman out of her time, an enigma. It was clear by her words she was not someone who fit in, who went along with the crowd, who did what everyone else did. No, Mary Wardwell was unique, and as she brushed past Zelda and out the door of the office, her cheeks flushed, eyes afire, Zelda knew in that moment Mary was someone she wanted to know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Zelda had secretly delighted when Hilda asked her to help chaperone the WICCA club field trip in her absence, for Mary would be the trip sponsor. She had stopped herself several times from calling Mary prior to the trip, perhaps making an excuse to discuss the itinerary, accomodations, even the book reading they were attending. She held herself back, though Heaven only knew why.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After their initial encounter at the parents’ meeting which left Mary scuttling down the hallway away from her, Zelda could see Mary was intrigued. Mary’s eyes wandered over her body when she thought Zelda wasn’t observing her, as Zelda did to Mary as well. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another thunderous jolt shook the house, and shook Zelda out of her reverie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, she poured another drink and pulled out the drawer, looking at the woman who had occupied so many of her waking thoughts the past few months, anger again pulsing through her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> How could I have been so foolhardy, so careless? I knew the consequences, and now she has been the one to suffer for my selfishness. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda ran her fingers over the wound in Mary’s neck, willing life into her body, and the wound shrank a bit, but nothing she could do would bring Mary back.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>In her sleep revived state, Zelda did have the clarity to know that Mary could not remain in their basement forever. She had to be buried, timing being of the essence. Keeping Ambrose in the dark would be easy enough, for he didn’t get involved in funerals unless asked, the business being primarily Zelda’s responsibility. But Sabrina, that would be more difficult. She would ask many questions about Zelda’s emotional state and her attachment to the body in the basement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And so the task of further preparing Mary fell to Zelda again, and she would have it no other way. She had decided to dress Mary in her silk robe, remembering her so very alive and glowing wearing the garment, as she smoked one of Zelda’s cigarettes on the front porch, lazily rocking the swing as Zelda laid in her lap. Her hair would be loose and free, with her natural curls, her face at peace, as if she were only sleeping.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda fetched a wooden coffin from the storeroom, a pine with colored striations streaking the top, its scent filling the basement, reminding her of their walks in the woods between their homes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The silk robe was lovingly placed on Mary’s frame, sash tied in front, although Zelda would be the only person to see her this way.  Hilda would understand her need for one last memory, one last time to see Mary and remember her as only Zelda could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gently brushing her hair, Zelda thought of the time she knelt behind Mary on the bed and brushed out her tangled curls after they had kissed endlessly on Mary’s couch, hands roaming, touching freely. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When it came time to prepare Mary’s face, Zelda brought out her box of cosmetics, picking up one item after another and laying it back down. She did not know how to improve on the stark cheekbones, the high brows, sharp jawline, all the parts that made Mary distinctly and utterly stunning. Zelda did apply a light shade of lipstick, a color so like Mary often wore, and then she stood back and observed her work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A guttural sound tore from her body, from deep in her bones the agony poured out. She laid her head on the table next to Mary, weeping uncontrollably, her tears wetting the sleeve of the kimono. Sometime later she felt a hand on her shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I saw the light under the door. You’ve done a beautiful job, Zelda. You’ve honored Mary so well,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda gripped the sleeve of the robe, inwardly gathered herself, schooling her features as she turned toward Hilda.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, sister. Will you indulge me once more and -”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t have to ask me this time. Let me help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two of them lifted Mary into the box, Zelda quietly placing a photograph taken of the two them into the coffin, folding it in Mary’s hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where will you take her? Sabrina will question any new plots that have been dug in our cemetery,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve already taken care of that. On the back edge of our property, near the stream, there’s a quiet reading spot I utilize when I want to be alone. Everything has been arranged.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shall I transport the body with you, Zelda? You’re so weak, you haven’t eaten in days.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nonsense, stay here in case the children awaken. I need this time with her, surely you understand that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll make sure they stay out of your way today,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda waved her hand, and a wreath of bright blue hyacinths, the color of Mary’s sky blue eyes, was laying atop Mary’s chest, then Zelda removed one and placed it in Hilda’s hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what to do with this, sister,” and Hilda nodded, familiar with the tradition of planting one flower from the funeral wreath. She would plant it in her greenhouse, and as it grew, the loved one would be honored, a living memory, albeit a painful reminder, an echo of guilt. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda and the coffin vanished, appearing at the clearing in the woods.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gently kissed Mary’s lips one last time, closed the lid, and magically lowered the coffin into the ground, the dirt filling in the hole as she began to walk away.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>**********</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Ice methodically clinked into the glass, one, two, three, followed by the last of their good Irish whiskey. <em> Pity, now I’ll have to move on to the Kentucky bourbon, </em>she thought as she downed the glass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda had hidden herself away again, laying on the guest bed, willing unconsciousness to take her. Unfortunately she was able to hold her liquor, the only side effect being a loosened tongue on occasion. Especially when confronted by one angry Hilda Spellman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She dragged herself down the hallway in search of said bourbon, attempting to stay upright, not entirely successful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zelda,” Hilda was suddenly standing before her. Where had she come from?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, dear sister?” her singsong voice sounding like a 33 record set on 45.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda sighed loudly. “Ambrose won’t be shocked to see you this way. He was here when Edward died, he experienced that with us, how devastated we were. But Sabrina…” her voice drifted off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Baby Sabrina, a gift to her sanity after her precious brother and his wife died, had kept her afloat, moored to this life, a purpose and reason to wake, eat, sleep, and keep going. Sabrina didn’t need Zelda anymore, saw her as more of a hindrance. What would keep her going now?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As if knowing her thoughts, Hilda, patient, saintly Hilda who had never had her heart broken, not even once, had never had it ripped out and stomped on, not at all, said the words that let loose the tornado that was Zelda’s grief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What would Mary think if she saw you now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda’s eyes widened then narrowed in anger, Hilda ducked for a moment, looking to and fro for any possible weapons, but Zelda didn’t raise a hand to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Mary can’t see me, can she? She’s gone, dead, buried. And I’m the cause!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda blinked several times, waiting for an explanation, and receiving none she asked, “What? How do you figure that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words slurring slightly, she reached behind herself to grip the table, the room swirling, “I was selfish. It was me that allowed this foolish affair to begin, and then to proceed. I should never have let her anywhere near me. It’s not safe!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you’re saying you’re not allowed to be happy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It has nothing whatsoever to do with my feelings. She distracted me from my purpose and devotion. The Dark Lord won’t allow that, Hilda.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re still the most devout witch I know, Zelda. Attending Black Mass, even if you’ve missed a few services, teaching at the Academy of Dark Arts, mentoring Sabrina in our ways, and I could go on. How has Mary distracted you from all that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence met Hilda’s question. Zelda could never admit to Hilda that even the lip service she gave as faithfulness to the Dark Lord had withered considerably following the death of her brother; she could never admit to Hilda, or anyone else, that her prayers were to Lilith. She continued the outward pieties for safety’s sake, to encourage Sabrina, and because it was expected. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is it because she’s mortal?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mary, brilliant, amazing Mary had asked her that same question. Had wondered if Zelda were in danger the further their relationship progressed. And Zelda had assured her of their safety, the protections she had put in place, and how unimportant their family was now that her brother had died. The Spellman name wasn’t what it used to be. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But it hadn’t been enough to keep Mary safe from harm, and Mary had known Zelda had lied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know she would have died long before me, Hilda, how my life would extend much further than hers. And, yes, we violated witch law by taking up together for as long as we did, but Edward was allowed to <em> marry </em>a mortal, why would the Dark Lord pay attention to a fling?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Zelds, she’s much more…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda covered her ears, like a child refusing to hear words that upset her. “No, no, no! He took her because I put her before him. It’s my fault. I pay more attention to her than him. Because she is wonderful, intelligent, knowledgeable beyond our small realm, she’s, she’s….”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda crumbled, falling to the floor, rocking herself back and forth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda knelt beside her, smoothing her hair back, running her fingers through the long locks the way she did when they were children and Zelda was upset.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t you see?” she whispered into her bent knees. “It’s my fault, it’s my doing. I wasn’t faithful...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ohhh, Zelds, you’re allowed to love and be loved,” Hilda tried to wrap her arms around Zelda as she spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda shoved Hilda away and grabbed the bourbon she came downstairs to get.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Love her? I don’t love her. And what would you know of love anyway?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She staggered back upstairs, slammed the door to the guest room, drinking until she passed out.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. cocaine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Laughing, she turned, a dead ringer for the woman buried not a mile away. Yet she was not Mary. Her sky blue eyes that had shone with adoration, burned with desire, brightened at the sight of Zelda’s appearance seemed all but dead in the visage before her now.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Don't trust men, don't trust women </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don't trust your heart, you never should've </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Maybe it's right, but just the wrong time </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe love's something you won't find </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You've been searching for a long time </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - pink sweats </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Alcohol for sleep, endless cups of coffee for day, Zelda passed her time Monday in a fog of pain suppressing cocktails. She refused to dwell on what had occurred, fearful if she gave it any more acknowledgement the weight of guilt would surely break her. Best to just keep going.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda awoke early, availing the early predawn hours to complete any work in the mortuary, paperwork, embalming and the like. She walked into the woods, sat near the stream where Mary was buried, holding her Satanic Bible, attempting to find some solace, some passage that would assuage the pressing burdens in her soul.</p><p> </p><p>Around noon, Zelda went to the Academy, preparing lessons, teaching, the Unholy Choir taking up most of her afternoon. Faustus Blackwood hovered in the background of their rehearsal, praising the performances, and her, venerating them all as fine instruments to Lucifer’s glory.</p><p> </p><p>By the time she returned home, all she wanted was a drink, some time by the fire, anything to wash away the ‘Praise Satans’ that echoed through her mind, but Hilda had other ideas.</p><p> </p><p>“Zelds…” Hilda’s hesitant voice broke through the quiet.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda sighed. “Yes? What is it you insist upon interrupting my only quiet moment of the day to tell me?” She regretted the edge her voice held, but didn’t have the energy to apologize.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just that, well, everyone is home tonight and I thought we could have a family dinner. It’s been so long since we’ve all sat down together. And I made your favorite dessert.” </p><p> </p><p>“My new responsibilities at the Academy mean I have to bring home much more work than in the past,” Zelda glanced up to see a wave of disappointment pass over Hilda’s face. Sighing, she ran a hand across her brow, pulling it through her limp red hair. “But I can spare an hour tonight for my family.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll see, a hot meal and a good laugh will make you feel worlds better.” Hilda’s gleeful smile and chipper giggle made Zelda’s stomach turn, but she returned her sister’s smile with a wan one and returned to her book.</p><p> </p><p>A short time later, they were all gathered around the table, Sabrina and Hilda prattling on, Ambrose casually leaned back against the bench that was his normal perch, and Zelda smoking one cigarette after another, picking at the food on her plate.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I make you something else to eat, Zelda? Anything you want, I don’t mind a bit.” </p><p> </p><p>Zelda rolled her eyes. “No, this is quite satisfactory. I’m not very hungry this evening.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have to eat something…” Hilda was pushing her luck.</p><p> </p><p>The whole table went quiet as all eyes turned to Zelda, for she had slammed her fork down. </p><p> </p><p>“I <em> told </em> you I wasn’t hungry, please desist in trying to mother me, for I neither need nor do I want to be coddled.”</p><p> </p><p>After a pregnant pause, Ambrose let out a breath he had been holding, “Okay well, this has been great and all, but I’ve got some reading. See you all later…” and he disappeared quickly from the tense scene.</p><p> </p><p>Sabrina quietly finished her dinner, the mood more somber after Zelda’s outburst. As she got up to place her plate in the sink, she turned to Hilda.</p><p> </p><p>“Auntie, I need your help on a project later. We have to research our family tree, and I can’t read that creepy handwriting in the front of our family Satanic Bible. You know, where all the old witches’ and warlocks’ names are?”</p><p> </p><p>Grateful for the distraction, Hilda said, “Yeah? That’s interesting. I can help you find out all about your famous Spellman relatives.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Wardwell says the Spellmans have been in Greendale for generations, and the Kinkles too, and -”</p><p> </p><p>The conversation stopped cold,  Zelda standing so quickly her chair had fallen over behind her. Hilda looked in her direction, their eyes meeting, and Hilda was afraid of what she saw in them.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice a mix of incredulity and agony, Zelda swallowed hard.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you say <em> Ms. Wardwell </em> told you the Spellmans had been in Greendale for generations?”</p><p> </p><p>Sabrina shrugged, oblivious to Zelda’s tone and expression, saying, “Yes, auntie, she said that today during class when she was giving us the assignment to research our ancestors.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Today?” </em>Zelda’s voice sounded pinched, her face flushed. She headed for the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Zelda, wait, let me go with you. This doesn’t make sense…” Hilda cried out after her.</p><p> </p><p>Grabbing the bourbon bottle from the counter, Zelda tore out of the kitchen and towards the parlor, retrieving a handgun from the case just inside the door, along with a box of ammunition, slamming the front door as she left the house in a whirlwind.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>She drove down the winding road, swerving too tightly on the curves in the highway. Images tore through her mind, Mary’s cold body on the table, the wound in her neck, her pallid, dead skin as Zelda ran her fingers over her body.</p><p> </p><p>And then, in a moment of clarity, something else broke through her thoughts. Hope. For Sabrina had spoken to Mary that very day.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps she had been right all along. Perhaps this person she had buried had been someone who looked like Mary, a person who so resembled her that even Zelda had been fooled. Perhaps it was all a mistake.</p><p> </p><p>The very idea that Mary could still be alive had Zelda pressing the accelerator, determined all the more to arrive quickly at the little cottage in the woods.</p><p> </p><p>Killing the headlights as she meandered slowly up the driveway to Mary’s home, considering her options, Zelda felt like a direct confrontation was in order. </p><p> </p><p>She shut off the engine, having a clear view into the parlor of the house, she saw a glow from inside. The flicker of a fire through the curtains, the bedroom light brightly shone through the window.</p><p> </p><p>Tears of relief rolled down her face. The flame of hope burned a little brighter. Could Mary be alive?</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the curtains moved aside in the parlor. A figure came to the window and peered out, as if investigating a noise.</p><p> </p><p>The woman resembled Mary, her long, dark locks, her lean frame, her stature, but the similarities ended there. There was something Zelda couldn’t quite put her finger on, an abject sensuality, stark contrast to Mary’s tender softness. A darkness pervaded whoever Zelda was watching at the window, not the aura she normally perceived around the teacher. This was not her Mary.</p><p> </p><p>A shiver ran up her spine, deeply settling in her stomach, warring now with the return of the waves of grief and shattering agony that poured from her, and she slumped back in the seat, weeping unabatedly, grabbing the bourbon, drinking straight from the bottle, contemplating her next move. </p><p> </p><p>The handgun laying on the seat beside her caught her eye.</p><p> </p><p>Drinking for courage, for sanity, praying to Satan this was still some sort of cosmic joke, Zelda loaded one bullet into the gun and stepped out of the car.</p><p> </p><p>The porch light was on as she approached, a wave of her hand shattering the bulb, cloaking her in darkness as she silently entered the cottage. Glowing firelight was the only thing illuminating the parlor,  and she stepped further in, seeing a woman seated in front of the fire, back to Zelda. </p><p> </p><p>Acting quickly, Zelda pushed the gun into the back of the stranger’s head, jabbing it hard and steady.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, well, well, Zelda Spellman, what took you so long?” the voice so like Mary’s, but different somehow, lower by several octaves, and much more confident and scornful.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are you?” Zelda demanded.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’d stop poking at me with that gun then I could show you.”</p><p> </p><p>Lowering the pistol, eyes fixed on the stranger’s face, Zelda took a few steps back, then pointed the gun back at her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Turn around, and just know I am a dead shot, and at this range, you won’t be recognizable.”</p><p> </p><p>Laughing, she turned, a dead ringer for the woman buried not a mile away. Yet she was not Mary. Her sky blue eyes that had shone with adoration, burned with desire, brightened at the sight of Zelda’s appearance seemed all but dead in the visage before her now.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t want to shoot me, not really. Not when I’m the one with all the answers to your questions.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you do to Mary?”</p><p> </p><p>“All in good time. Let’s have a drink. Did you bring the bottle with you? I can smell it on you from here.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not walking back out that door until I get what I came for. If you want a drink, you’ll have to think of some other way to get your liquor.” Zelda was practically growling at the woman. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you mean this?” And she had Zelda’s bottle of bourbon in her hand, turning it around. “You’ve worked your way through the top shelf already, I see.”</p><p> </p><p>“How did you….?” Zelda tried not to look impressed by the bottle materializing out of thin air. </p><p> </p><p>The stranger waved her hand as if she had done nothing. </p><p> </p><p>“Just showing off, I guess. Can’t help myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Two glasses materialized, and she filled them, offering one to Zelda, who grabbed the bottle instead.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s play a game,” Mary’s doppelganger said after Zelda drank from the bottle, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m in no mood for your nonsense,” Zelda retorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Nooo? Well, then I’m in no mood to answer your questions. Take your cheap liquor and scurry on back home to your doting sister and your adoring family.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda ground her teeth, considering whether or not she could contend with this being powerful enough to bring physical objects through time and space, out of thin air, realizing her only choice was to play along if she wanted answers to her questions.</p><p> </p><p>“What sort of game do you have in mind?” she finally answered.</p><p> </p><p>“Very simply, let’s just see who can hold their liquor. And perhaps we can play twenty questions, for a I have a few of my own,” the woman toyed with her, and she clearly enjoyed the reaction Zelda provided, for she tensed up at the prospect of answering questions herself.</p><p> </p><p>“I have some catching up to do, judging by the state you’re in,” and the woman downed her glass, looking up at Zelda over the rim. “And do sit down. I can’t enjoy this with you hovering and pointing that gun at me.”</p><p> </p><p>She held out her glass, and grinned at Zelda’s scowl as she refilled the brunette’s drink.</p><p> </p><p>“You go first, seeing as how you were the one that brought the alcohol and came all this way.” </p><p> </p><p>Zelda opened her mouth to ask the most direct question, but hesitated. It was genuinely difficult to look at this woman and not feel anything, looking like Mary, sounding like her, even wearing her perfume.</p><p> </p><p>“Is Mary really dead?” she finally asked, as she finally lowered her weapon.</p><p> </p><p>The woman chuckled. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid so.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda took a long drink, attempting to hold back the guttural reaction she felt, steeling herself for whatever was coming her way, wondering what the woman would ask, she seemingly knew many things already about Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you take Mary’s virginity?”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda nearly choked on her whiskey. “Excuse me? Are you serious? That’s certainly <em> none </em>of your business. However much you look like Mary, sound like Mary, even wear her fragrance, you aren’t her and I refuse to discuss her with you.”</p><p> </p><p>The woman smirked, clearly happy she was able to get under Zelda’s skin so quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m sincerely glad to know I’m doing a passable impression of the mousy little woman, but, if that’s how you feel, just know, you’ll never get what you came for,” moving for the door, the woman held it open, indicating that Zelda should leave.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, for Satan’s sake,” Zelda huffed. “Yes, yes, I deflowered her. She was a virgin when we were together first. Are you satisfied now?” </p><p> </p><p>Scrunching up her face, the woman shook her head. “That explains so many things.” She glanced up at the cross above the mantle, now turned upside down. Returning to the fireside, she sat a bit closer to Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>“My turn.” Drinking for courage, for she could wait no longer. “Who are you and what did you do to Mary?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s technically two questions, so I ‘ll answer the second one. You’ll owe me one before I’ll tell you more.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda grimaced and looked her dead on, feeling the heat from the woman’s body radiate towards her, so much like Mary.</p><p> </p><p>“I needed her body. She wasn’t going to be missed, living out here all alone. No family, only that school of teenage mortals she dedicated her life to. She had no one.” the woman shrugged as she drank deeply.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s where you’re wrong. Mary was so much more, you’re just a hollow shell,” Zelda looked down, her voice trailing off sadly. “And what do you mean, you needed her body?” </p><p> </p><p>“Uh uh uh,” tutted the woman. “One question at a time. And it’s my turn now.”</p><p> </p><p>Taking her time, she perused Zelda’s body, her heated glance sending shivers down her spine, for she remembered Mary’s eyes looking at her that very way.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m curious. Just what was it about little Mary Wardwell that caught your eye? She just doesn’t seem to be your type of woman. Unless that’s your thing, women who are practically untouched?”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda tried to think of some witty retort, something to counter this torrent of intrusive slander, but she was unable, so, placing a hand to her chest, she shot back, “I, I, uh, honestly, you are despicable!”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t answer me though,” She poured a bit more in her glass, leaning forward to grab the bottle, giving Zelda a clear view into the deep vee of her neckline. </p><p> </p><p>“She is the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met in all my years. She’s charming, witty, and…” Zelda sighed, becoming flustered and angry.</p><p> </p><p>“A good lay?” the woman finished with a shrug.</p><p> </p><p>Narrowing her eyes, Zelda looked at the stranger, but couldn’t help as her gaze drifted lower, examining the body in front of her, heat rising to her face.</p><p> </p><p>Blushing furiously now, Zelda said indignantly, “That’s one too many questions.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda took a drink, trying to distract herself from the many images of Mary now running across her mind, arousal running rampant through her, she shifted restlessly, inhibitions loosened with the bourbon as well.</p><p> </p><p>Leaning closer, the woman looked into Zelda’s eyes, blurred as they were from the bourbon, and asked, “Would you mind if I…” She trailed off as her lips met Zelda’s in a kiss that quickly deepened, a hand burying itself in Zelda’s hair, the other gripping Zelda’s hip.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda sank into the kiss for a moment, feeling the warm, familiar lips crush hers, but when she felt the woman bite her bottom lip, sucking on it while she began to pull Zelda’s hair, Zelda pushed the woman back.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting back, the woman laughed. “Guess you answered my question.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda, beyond livid, picked up the gun again. “I have a mind to just shoot you now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead, be my guest. but consider this, I knew to take her body to your house, so whatever scheme I’m involved in, you’re up to your neck in it too.” Drinking her bourbon, smiling like the cat that got the canary, the woman stretched out her legs, and Zelda let her eyes travel down her body.</p><p> </p><p>“I do have one more question, since you owe me one,” The woman watched as Zelda looked leeringly at her, then looked down, seemingly ashamed of the desire she was feeling.</p><p> </p><p>“And what would that be?” Zelda met her eyes daringly after a moment and another drink from the bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“If she meant that much to you, if you were willing to shoot whoever was invading her home, willing to risk injury yourself, where have you been this past week?” The question, laced with a bit of malice, brought the tempered flames of guilt in Zelda roaring back to life.</p><p> </p><p>They both looked up, green eyes meeting blue, and Zelda was overwhelmed with wanting Mary, missing her deeply.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Zelda began to weep, despair, guilt and confusion mixed with bourbon and desire warring inside her, tearing her apart. </p><p> </p><p>The stranger looked at Zelda with what appeared to be empathy, but Zelda, thinking it could be a trick, pulled away from her.</p><p> </p><p>Closing her eyes, Zelda exhaled slowly, “No more games. I’m so very tired and all I want right now is to go home.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re in no condition to face your family this way. Stay here.”</p><p> </p><p>“How can I stay here? You haven’t even told me who you are,” Zelda shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Seeing as it was your turn to ask, I’ll answer you that.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda looked at her expectantly, fearfully, resigned to the fact that once she knew this information she could begin to piece together what had happened to her dear Mary.</p><p> </p><p> “You know me, you’ve prayed to me since you were a little girl, barely out of pigtails. And I heard those prayers. I know you believe in me. So with my answer, I’ll ask a question as well.”</p><p> </p><p>Eyes wide with understanding, Zelda knelt in front of the woman, now knowing her name without it being spoken.</p><p> </p><p>Placing a finger under Zelda’s chin and raising her face to look up, the woman spoke, “My name is Lilith, the Mother of Demons, the First Woman, and my question is, will you serve me, or will you continue with the pretense of doing the Dark Lord's bidding?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Enter Lilith...I loved the bit of sexual tension between Zelda and Lilith on the show, and I hope I can do it justice. Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. reasons not to die</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And Zelda couldn’t find the words, couldn’t say that she would stand between Mary and hell itself, that the danger didn’t matter, because the truth was that it did. She couldn’t sacrifice her family for her own happiness. So she sat silently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Am I in danger too?” Mary’s voice was low, almost a whisper.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: several instances of self-harm in this chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> And I get so stuck in my head </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Lost in all the lies, nihilistic backslide </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> And when I can't get out of bed </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> And I see the edge I'm slipping from the ledge </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> And praying to gods I don't believe in for a sign </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>                                                                                                                   -ryn weaver</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>A beam of sunlight laid across her face, streaking through the hangover like a knife through butter. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her hand rose to shield her eyes, but instead tangled in dark, sleep tousled curls. She sighed, breathing in the scent of shampoo, earthy and fresh, and draped her arm over the warm body she was curved into.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mary….” her breathy moan blew one curl away from the woman’s shoulder, and she wrapped her finger around it, twisting it and watching it glitter in the light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other woman stirred, shifting her position to press closer to Zelda, taking the hand draped over her between her own. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda unknowingly threw one leg in between Lilith’s as they lay in the half light of the room, tangling them together as she called Mary’s name yet again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The warmth was intoxicating, both women’s hands now trailing down bare flesh, Lilith stroking Zelda’s inner thigh and Zelda’s hands over Lilith’s lace-covered breasts. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their bodies rocked unconsciously, breathing accelerating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A moan from the woman roused Zelda, instinctively realizing something was amiss. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reaching for Mary’s hair, she moved it aside and saw a deep wound, blood flowing freely, and looking into her face, Zelda saw the gray pallor of death. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Screaming Mary’s name desperately, she pushed back, almost falling from the bed, but Lilith acted quickly, shaking Zelda’s shoulders until she awakened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re dreaming! Wake up! It’s a nightmare,” Zelda’s eyes fixed on Lilith, shaking her head, rubbing her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Zelda, perceiving that the vision of Mary had dissolved, grasped at the arms still holding her, pulling them around her, sinking into the comfort for a moment, and for her part, Lilith held her, grounded her until she was sure Zelda wanted to pull free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly realizing she was embracing Lilith, shame washing over her, her face burning hot, she shoved the woman’s arms away, and to her surprise Lilith sighed under her breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Standing slowly, Zelda put some distance between the two of them, unsure of her actions while she was dreaming, embarrassed to be so vulnerable in front of a veritable stranger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I apologize for my outburst, it’s not my normal practice to wake in a stranger’s arms, and it threw me for a moment, but I am quite alright now,” Zelda’s eyes lowered as she spoke, moving away from Lilith.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith seemed unbothered by the show of emotion, and moved to wrap a robe around herself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing to be ashamed of, we all have our own demons that haunt us from time to time,” Chuckling at her own pun, she handed Zelda her dress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Looking down, Zelda saw that she was dressed only in her lingerie. She felt a wetness between her legs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did we..?” Zelda left the question open as she motioned to the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith shook her head. “No, after you cried yourself to sleep downstairs I almost left you there, but that couch isn’t comfortable, believe me. So I brought you in here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding in the acknowledgement that they had shared a bed and nothing else, she zipped her dress and smoothed it down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stepping into her heels, Zelda looked in the bathroom mirror, straightening out her tousled hair. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But that’s not because I didn’t want to,” Lilith said with a smirk. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda rolled her eyes. “Of course not. You’re clearly someone who wouldn’t take advantage of a vulnerable woman. Anyone could see that.” <em> And I wanted you as well, </em> Zelda thought, and hated herself for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like I could have just now? When you wrapped yourself around me, grinding and pawing at me?” Zelda’s face fell as soon as the words left Lilith’s mouth. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, and I regret that. But you put me, knowingly unconscious and quite intoxicated, in your bed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would I turn away such a delightful opportunity? You were just ripe for the picking,” Lilith said with a tinge of anger in her tone. “And don’t lie, Zelda. You wanted it too. Even just as a reminder, you wanted this body.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Turning on her heel, furious and guilty, Zelda headed towards the door. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t suppose that we are finished. I still have many questions, but now isn’t the time,” Zelda paused and looked around the living room, plucking her gun from the floor, Mary everywhere around her. It was too much, and not nearly enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith stood in front of the door. “Wait, Zelda, ” she said, blocking her path. Zelda continued to try to step around her, but Lilith’s next words stopped her in her tracks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I..I apologize for what I said a moment ago. You were dreaming, and not of me. And I see why you came here last night. It’s as clear as can be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And just what is that? What revelation have you uncovered?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mary Wardwell meant something to you. However plain and unsophisticated she seemed to the outside observer,” Lilith’s eyes drifted around the simple room, its furnishings understated and sensible. “She had a certain je nes sais quoi.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda’s anger surged through her at Lilith’s careless dismissal of the person Mary was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know absolutely nothing about Mary aside from what you’ve gathered in your oh so stealthy reconnaissance mission. How long did you say you’d been watching her, a week?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith yawned. “I suppose it was more like a month.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Realization hit Zelda quickly, and she spoke before considering her words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you saw us? And did you pull up a chair, get comfortable, and enjoy the show?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You two were quite passable, though rather bland for my taste. I prefer a bit of pain with my pleasure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Zelda’s breath caught at that, a fact Lilith didn’t miss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Narrowing her eyes at how easily she was falling into Lilith’s trap, Zelda toyed with the gun in her hands, the cold steel hammer clicking to place as the bullet slid into the chamber.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She moved to walk around Lilith again, and her path was blocked by the brunette’s slender arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This belongs to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Holding out a folded paper, Lilith pulled it back as Zelda reached for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith continued, “And I need your help as well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda scoffed. “Oh, really? That’s rich. You killed my…” She paused, stumbling over the words, her addled mind needing a drink for clarity and to forget how aroused she still felt looking at Lilith. ”my Mary, and now you want something from me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith stepped aside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, for there’s a reason I’m here in Greendale, but now isn’t the time for that discussion.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Whatever do you mean?” Zelda stood stock still, puzzled by why the first witch would show up the way she did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve said too much. Go home, clean up. But know this, I have a plan, and in the end, you won’t regret helping me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda shook her head, “All I have are regrets.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Placing the letter in Zelda’s hand, Lilith closed the door behind her as she lowered her head and walked to the car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>**********</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sat in the bath, washed away the traces of the night, the morning, her wanting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The alcohol having fulfilled its purpose, she was sufficiently numb, cold with forgetting, tears gone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But her mind swirled with the events of the night, the guilt she felt at her body desiring and responding to Lilith, a reflex, she knew, but it angered her at her lack of control. She continued to fixate on waking in Lilith’s arms, her hands playing Zelda’s body so well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A glint of silver caught her eye, the straight blade rested where she left it, and she took it, ran it down the line of her rib.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Euphoria, brief and intoxicating rushed through her, catching her breath, potent and liberating. The moment passed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Standing from the roseate bath water, pressing a cloth against the cut, her mind now clear, guilt temporarily assuaged, numbness returned, she dressed her wound.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>**********</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“Ah, you made a fresh pot of coffee, I think I’ll sit with you and have a cuppa,” Hilda entered the kitchen with a basket of laundry, spotting Zelda at the table, cigarette and newspaper in hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gazing over the top of her Greendale Gazette, Zelda sighed, knowing this was inevitable, weighing her words, considering how much Hilda, and therefore Sabrina, needed to know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pressing her hand against her side, directly onto her wound, pain providing courage, Zelda smoked as Hilda stirred sugar into her mug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s not Mary, I gathered that much from your ghoulish mood.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Hilda, Mary is most certainly buried on the corner of our property.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda understood her sister well enough to know her tells, and Zelda was fighting to keep her emotions under control, not give away anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, so Mary is dead,” Hilda earned an almost indiscernible whimper at that. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eyes closed, voice barely above a whisper, “Yes,” was all Zelda affirmed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Moments passed as the elephant in the room, the unasked question, weighed heavily between both sisters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who is she then?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know -” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both began and ended, Zelda effectively shutting down the conversation, reopening the newspaper, studying and not seeing the print, willing Hilda to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t come home last night. I was worried about you. What you might do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As you can see, I am perfectly fine. When I arrived at Mary’s cottage, I saw a figure through the front window. She was not Mary.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The way you tore out of here, grabbing the gun, we just didn’t know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sabrina and me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And just what tale did you spin to our niece?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t leave me many options. I told her you were upset about Ms. Wardwell prying and asking questions about our family. And she seemed to buy it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not that it’s any of her concern, or that she makes any effort at all to protect this family, to keep our affairs private. What if everyone were to find out we’re witches? She never thinks of our safety, it always seems to fall on my shoulders,” her voice becoming more strained as she continued, Zelda’s face turning a bright shade of crimson.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zelds, your blood pressure,” Hilda placed a reassuring hand on her sister’s arm, which Zelda promptly shrugged off. “She’s fifteen, everything we do is her concern. We’re not meant to have any privacy, you and me. And, are you upset about our safety or Sabrina finding out about you and Mary?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Standing to refill her mug, Zelda murmured, “Our safety, of course.” she turned to face Hilda.  “And as for Ms. Wardwell, Sabrina needs to let me handle that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hilda raised her eyebrows at the mention of Ms. Wardwell. “You know how Sabrina is when she gets an idea in her head.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda hummed in response, wanting her space, distance to process all that had occurred in the past day. She stood to place her coffee cup in the sink, and Hilda grasped her arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I make a spot of lunch, will you eat? You can’t survive on a diet of coffee, cigarettes, whiskey, and guilt.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda attempted to be dismissive. “Guilt?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It radiates off you like a black cloud. That night I pulled you from the tub, you were screaming it in your mind, like you blame yourself for Mary’s death.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A shadow passed over Zelda’s face, a memory, but she quickly schooled her features. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened to Mary isn’t your fault.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Isn’t it, though? If only I’d been wiser, if I had realized the cost, the true price, then maybe Lil-...” her voice trailed off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zelda? What are you saying? Was someone after Mary?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knew she should stop this, put a halt to this conversation, but, as it always had been, she and Hilda kept volleying back and forth, an acidic verbal game of tennis, and Zelda knew it would end badly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re prattling on about, Hilda. Mary is dead, she’s gone, and there is nothing we can do about that. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Zelda turned to go upstairs. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t possibly be this cavalier about her death. There’s no way I believe you think of her now as a fling. The past few months you’ve been the happiest I've seen in a long time, hells below, the happiest I’ve ever seen you,” Hilda paused to step closer to Zelda, taking her hand. “And I saw you in the basement, remember?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Desperately holding on to the rising tide of despair threatening to drag her down, Zelda bit the inside of her cheek til she drew blood, jerking her hand away from her sister.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s done is done. It does absolutely no good to sit around ruminating on what ifs and the like. I’m fine now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I could help you, Zelda, if you’d let me. But you won’t. You won’t let anyone get close enough to see what’s really going on.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what exactly do you mean, my dear sister turned psychoanalyst? How do you propose to <em> help </em>me? Are you going to worm your way into my brain as many times as you like, digging up all my deep, dark secrets that you suppose exist? Repair all the broken relationships that litter the landscape of my past? Heal me of all the supposed injuries to my psyche that cause me to behave like the bitch everyone takes me for? No? Well then, get out of my way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pushing past her sister, Zelda trudged up the stairs, the heaping ache in her heart pulling her under, memories of her last conversation with Mary weighing her down. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Settling on the cold bathroom floor, twisting the blade in her fingers, she willed herself to cry, to feel something, but only the numbness remained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She glanced over at the bed they had shared as the memories came flooding back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Mary rested before her in the sheets, Zelda leisurely stroking her soft skin Mary so openly exposed to her, and Zelda was revelling in the woman now. All the nervousness, fear and shame in Mary was now replaced by a quiet confidence Zelda knew had simmered under the surface, just waiting to be discovered like a hidden gem.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Mary turned and placed a soft kiss on Zelda’s breast, both of them sated and tired, their dreamy weekend coming to an end. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Mary Wardwell, I wish I had expressed an interest in Sabrina’s mortal education much sooner,” Zelda’s deep laugh rumbled as Mary began to trace circles on her chest. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I have a question, my dear Zelda.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Anything, my kingdom is yours.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Nothing that dramatic,” Mary chuckled. “I found a little pouch in my coat pocket, smelling of cinnamon and herbs. Did you put it there?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Her hand freezing for half a second as she traced the freckles on the shoulder closest to her questing fingers, Zelda swallowed, her mind racing. Torn between her need to share, to unload on someone she could trust, the burden as head of their household she had carried for 15 years since her brother’s death weighing her down, as well as the innate need to protect everyone around her,  Zelda chose the latter. Confessing it all now, with this relationship so new, so fresh, just seemed too much. She felt safe with Mary, and secure enough now to know she couldn’t lose what they had together. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Surely a little charm doesn’t alarm you,” Zelda held Mary a little tighter as she spoke these words, her voice rising dangerously in pitch. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “But why you felt the need to put it there is what I’d like to know. You explained basic charms to me, but why would I need one?” Mary had propped herself up beside Zelda, looking her in the eye as she spoke, and Zelda was undone by her gaze, the trust and love Mary so freely gave.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Zelda somewhat regretted sharing this knowledge with Mary, for Mary was far too intelligent to let that particular information pass by without using it later. How could Zelda explain to Mary just what a jealous lord they served? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “For Satan’s sake, Mary it’s not really important.” Zelda’s voice took on a defensive edge, breaking slightly on the last word. She needed desperately to change the subject before she broke down. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Zelda moved to bury her hand in Mary’s hair, to kiss her, to distract her, anything to keep her from asking all these questions, but Mary backed away. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Well, I managed to open it. I identified most of the herbs, save a few, but that was meaningless to me. I thought I might ask your sister, but I wanted to ask you first, give you the chance to explain.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Zelda knew she was getting nowhere with Mary, so the truth seemed the best solution. Well, a partial truth, that is. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> She sat up and lit a cigarette, taking her time to locate an ashtray, and by that point Mary had narrowed her eyes skeptically. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “When I expounded on the various uses of charms, one of those you seemed particularly interested in was peace and tranquility as you had been having difficulties with your principal. So, I mixed some for you and placed one in your pocket,” Zelda tried to hand Mary the cigarette, which she waved away. “See, it’s nothing at all.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Mary sat up and looked her in the eye. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Why does it feel like you’re hiding something from me? You always seem to be looking over your shoulder when we’re alone, especially when we walk in the woods. Zelda, are you afraid of something?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mary.” Zelda stared over Mary’s shoulder, her Satanic Bible catching her eye. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I think I know. You won’t ever say it, but I’ve seen you muttering those protection spells, and now dropping charms I find in my pockets later on. I put you in danger, don’t I? You and your family are in danger because of me. You told me everything was fine, that we were no threat to your coven.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> And Zelda couldn’t find the words, couldn’t say that she would stand between Mary and hell itself, that the danger didn’t matter, because the truth was that it did. She couldn’t sacrifice her family for her own happiness. So she sat silently. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Am I in danger too?” Mary’s voice was low, almost a whisper. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> The terror that tore through Zelda at that question, the thing she had dreaded for so long, her deepest fear revealed, had her mind spinning, racing to find reassuring words.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Mary, I would never let anything happen to you…” But Zelda’s face told a different story. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> And seeing the redhead’s expression, Mary’s eyes widened a split second before her face closed, a wall coming down between the two of them.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I think I need to be on my way then,” Mary moved to rise from the bed, turning her back to Zelda. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Mary, wait, don’t go like this.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Mary was buttoning her blouse as she turned to Zelda. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I can’t reconcile your silence and fear with the Zelda Spellman who drew me out of my shell, away from my rigid beliefs about god and free will. Do you remember that?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I do, I recall all our conversations vividly. You were so afraid to let down your god, fearful at how he would see you if you gave into your desires.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Yes, and what did you say to me? What did you call my god? The false god, as I recall. And is your god the one you fear, the reason you try so hard to protect your family, to keep them from danger? Who is to say that your god is the true god? Aren’t our beliefs based solely on the power we imbue into them?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> After a pause, Zelda had to acknowledge the logic in her statement, the validity of it. But their emotions were dulling logical thought, pushing it into the background. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “You told me you believed in our choice as people, our free will to live as we chose,” Mary’s eyes filled with tears as she continued. “And I believed you. And now, I see that your grace doesn’t extend to yourself and the choices you should be able to make for your own life.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “No, no that’s not true. You’re misconstruing everything. You can’t possibly think you know everything about our realm or me to be able to make a judgment like that.”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Explain it to me then? Tell me why I should be able to live my life freely and fearlessly, live exactly as who I am, and you must worry constantly and protect me? Why are you so afraid?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Zelda stood silently, pulling her robe about herself, not knowing what to say now, the conversation too far gone in this moment to pull back. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So she had let Mary go that night, and that had been the last time they talked. She had picked up the phone a dozen times to call Mary, almost stopped by her house to see her, but Mary had been so angry, and Zelda was terrified of this rejection, the regret she felt at giving herself to someone, because it always ended the same way. Everyone always left, or she pushed them away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So Zelda had left her alone to cool off, having determined Mary deserved to know the truth, deciding to explain it all when they were together again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Only a time to be truthful never came, for Mary had died, and she could never explain to her that choices weren’t for them, not now or ever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And the emotion flowing through her now was anger, seething fury directed inward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda tugged up the hem of her skirt, exposing her bare thigh, the razor between her fingers, she lowered it to her skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first cut brought relief, an outlet of all the ugliness, guilt, self-loathing, shame. She dug deeper as she continued cutting, for these were for punishment. She should have stopped Mary, gone to her, begged her forgiveness, explained it all, from Edward’s death to the staggering burden she carried trying to keep her family afloat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was then that the bedroom door burst open, Hilda entering with towels to put away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda scrambled to clean herself, but it was too late, for Hilda stood before her with hands pressed to her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You promised me you wouldn’t do this anymore! Oh Zelda, what have you done to yourself?” Hilda tried to wrestle the razor away from her, but Zelda held it behind her back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So Hilda tried another tactic. She knelt, pressing a towel to Zelda’s leg, and Zelda almost accepted her assistance until she spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mother always tried to help you when you did this, but you pushed her away too. At least you have all of us, you just choose not to share, to be selfish, to shove us out of your life,” Hilda looked down at the wounds, applying pressure to ease the bleeding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think what is happening here is a <em> choice? </em>That I chose all this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not Mary’s death, I suppose. But shutting yourself off, drinking yourself into oblivion, this,” she gestured towards the bloodsoaked towel. “This is a conscious decision.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How could you say that? After all I do to keep from burdening you-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And yet here you are, and here I am, cleaning up after you again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda pulled her hand back and slapped Hilda with all the rage she could muster, forgetting she still held the razor in her hand. A slash appeared in the center of the rapidly reddening handprint on Hilda’s cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sound reverberated around the bathroom, mirroring the shock in the two pairs of eyes, as both sisters had reacted reflexively to the situation at hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Hildie, I’m so very sorry,” And even in this, an automatic regret surged out. But Zelda didn’t even believe her own unapologetic apologies anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She placed a hand atop Hilda’s cheek, her magic closing the wound rapidly, but the cutting words leaving a gaping hole in both sisters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her leg bandaged, Zelda stood, moving rapidly away from the scene, waving her hand to remove any traces of damage done to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to leave. I can’t stay here anymore,” she said as she gathered some things into a bag, walked towards the door, looking back at Hilda still sitting on the floor stroking her cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where will you go?” Hilda’s voice sounded small and far away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Zelda had gone.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. gasoline</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“The sin was yours Zelda, Mary was only collateral damage.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lilith most definitely being Lilith in this bit. Maybe she ordered a pizza, I'm not sure.</p><p>And some accidental self-harm too.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> You can't wake up, this is not a dream </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You're part of a machine, you are not a human being </em>
</p><p>
  <em> With your face all made up, living on a screen </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>                                                                                                                         - halsey </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The most dissatisfying fact about dramatic exits is having nowhere to go, rendering the whole production entirely anticlimactic.</p><p> </p><p>This thought occurred to Zelda, standing near the country road, the sign signifying the location of their mortuary swinging in the breeze behind her, gazing back at the house as she had done so many times before, her family having overwhelmed her yet again.</p><p> </p><p>And as was her custom, she fixated on the front door, willing it to open, for Hilda to burst through, begging Zelda to reconsider, and to stay. </p><p> </p><p>There was precedent for this.  Her sister, overwhelmed by grief at losing their brother, had implored her in this way, and Zelda had relented, only to drink herself worthless anyway.</p><p> </p><p>But Hilda had pushed too far this time, speaking of their mother as Zelda’s put upon savior, something that could not be further from the truth. </p><p> </p><p>Slapping her wasn’t killing her, Zelda rationalized, and she damn well could have. She had killed her baby sister for less.</p><p> </p><p>No, Hilda would not be chasing her down this evening.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda began to walk along the road, turning off the path into the woods, directionless.</p><p> </p><p>She thought of friends she once had, strewn across the continents, wherever her travels had taken her, bonds never imagined to be broken, but these ties had been cut fifteen years ago, when she took on Sabrina. For safety, for the protection of their family, she made her circle small, consisting of only those who lived under their roof.</p><p> </p><p>Until Mary.</p><p> </p><p>For the teacher had seen through the walls she had so cleverly erected, bored through her defenses until she stood, vulnerable, yet not afraid, for Mary saw Zelda, not as Edward and Hilda’s sister, the indomitable Zelda Spellman, not as Sabrina’s aunt, her protector and mentor, not even the pious coven member, desperate to conceal her unbelief, for Mary saw deeper than these. And Mary had embraced her, accepted her, loved her.</p><p> </p><p>Mary, tolerant, patient, Mary, withstood the bitter diatribes when Zelda was annoyed at some slight, willed away the headaches Zelda came to her with when her family disappointed or endangered them, and held Zelda when she perceived herself a failure and she ached to exact punishment on herself, slowly but surely helping to heal the wounds in her heart.</p><p> </p><p>In all the centuries Zelda had lived, all the beings she had known, all the circumstances she found herself in, knowing the love of another was unique to Mary.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand went to her pocket to retrieve a handkerchief, and her fingers closed around the paper Lilith had given her that morning.</p><p> </p><p>She walked towards the stream, sitting on the flat rocks surrounding Mary’s burial plot, distracted momentarily by a pair of bright cerulean birds fluttering about, their twists and turns drifting skyward.</p><p> </p><p>Opening the letter, she recognized Mary’s handwriting, reminding her of the pile of notes she hid away in her vanity, tied with a sky blue bow, for Mary had left her tiny scribblings when she visited - <em> I’m in the garden, love. </em> with a tiny sketch of a daisy, Mary’s favorite flower, or <em> Can you bring me a glass of wine? I’m in the bathtub. </em>Zelda couldn’t bring herself to part with these, and now she was grateful she hadn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Beginning to read, her breath caught on the first words.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> My dearest Zelda - </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As I write this I’m awaiting your arrival so we may be on our way to New York, just the two of us. My heart is full of you, for you, only you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Life is full of choices we must make; simple ones, such as how we dress, books we read, our music, and larger ones, such as where and how to live, our occupation, our choice of a life partner. I’ve made most of these without a thought, on automatic, not considering the long term effects. Until now. A clarity of mind is what you’ve provided. You’ve shown me time and time again that I can choose for myself. And now I can’t imagine making any of these decisions without considering you, how you’ll react, what you will say. I suppose I’m trying to say that I love you, no strings attached, no ulterior motive.  So, Zelda Spellman, there it is. I love you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And because I love you as I do, I want to protect what we have.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This is my choice, my choice for you, for us. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So, on Monday when I return to school I’m giving up the girls’ book club, at least as being their sponsor, and perhaps the target they’ve pinned on my back at school will not spill over into my personal life. Our life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I didn’t tell you because you would try to talk me out of it, and I won’t be dissuaded, you won’t change my mind, for it’s made up now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Perhaps later on - </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The letter ended there. Unfinished, a metaphor, of sorts. </p><p> </p><p>Mary had suspected her infernal superior of having ulterior motives in his threats against her book group, and it troubled Zelda that she had given up something she held dear. But the thought that overwhelmed Zelda was that Mary had done it for her, for them. Mary saw a future with her.</p><p> </p><p>Still grasping the letter, she began to walk through the woods aimlessly, this revelation not bringing down a flood of sadness, pain, or anger. What she felt denied itself a name, for no one had ever sacrificed anything for the simple pleasure of being in Zelda’s company, and her mind could not wrap itself around this truth.</p><p> </p><p>And so in her wanderings, Zelda found herself standing in front of Mary’s cottage, her mind guided by some internal compass, compelled to her true north, for this had once felt like home.</p><p> </p><p>She strode to the door, glancing in a side window, seeing Lilith in front of the fire, legs crossed, about two feet off the ground.</p><p> </p><p>As she lifted her hand to knock, the door opened of its own accord.</p><p> </p><p>“Zelda, you’ve returned, to what do I owe this visit?”</p><p> </p><p>Dumbstruck at seeing what appeared to be the demoness meditating, Zelda set her bag on the floor and crossed her arms, after fishing a cigarette from her bag. She lit it, using a candle by the door.</p><p> </p><p>Lilith sank to the ground, Zelda now taking in her appearance. Her robe, what there was of it, did little to cover her breasts, the slit up the front exposing her bare legs.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes roaming the body of the woman, Zelda approached, bowed her head in reverence.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, now, no need for such formalities, not after all we’ve shared,” Lilith’s sultry voice rolled over Zelda as she took a long drag and blew the smoke in the direction of the fire.</p><p> </p><p>“I need somewhere to stay,” Zelda’s eyes strayed to Lilith’s blood red lips, then lower still.</p><p> </p><p>“Always direct and to the point. I like that in a witch. And you thought of me when you went looking for a place to shack up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps I should be more clear in what I’m asking. I need a place to live for the time being,” Zelda paused. “I’m not looking for anything else.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith sauntered over to stand before Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>“Then maybe,” she put her finger under Zelda’s chin and lifted it. “Maybe your eyes should stay up here.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda huffed, “Mary has an extra bedroom. I’ll use that one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pity, we could finish what we started earlier if we shared my bed, but suit yourself,” Lilith crossed her legs, allowing the robe to fall away, exposing her toned thighs as she sat herself in the high backed chair in the firelight.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ll stay out of your way, you stay out of mine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you always so imperious as a guest?” Lilith smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Implying I am your guest infers that you are the master of this house, which you clearly are not.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Well, with little Miss Wardwell gone, it seems the house <em> is </em> mine. And yes, you may stay. This will afford us an opportunity to get to know each other,” she purred, and at this she took a long glance into Zelda’s eyes. “a bit better.”</p><p> </p><p>“I still have many questions as well, “ Zelda returned her unblinking stare. “And this,” she gestured to the house, returning her hand to her own chest. “will never belong to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith huffed out a laugh. “What makes you think I haven’t trapped you here, rendered you mine already? After all, I have her body, and her body remembers many things. In fact, I know exactly how she first touched you, in that hotel room, all sleep tousled, rather the way you looked this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda’s pupils slightly dilated at that, the memory stirring her to take one step closer, running one finger down Lilith’s jawline.</p><p> </p><p>“Enjoy your memories then, because that is as close as you will get.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda reached for her bag and stalked out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>Hours later, Zelda lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, realizing what a particularly horrible idea it was to stay in this house. </p><p> </p><p>Not only was Mary’s presence everywhere, from the varying books on the shelves denoting Mary’s never ending curiosity, to the room Zelda occupied, which was undoubtedly Mary’s childhood bedroom, as evidenced by the delicate rosebuds on the wallpaper, and a dark lock of hair which fell from a baby book as Zelda opened it to read “Mary Elizabeth Wardwell” scrawled in the front, but Lilith was also completely unsettling her, exposing her deepest pain and desires concurrently. Apparently Lilith was able to transfer Mary’s emotions and memories, giving her access to intimate knowledge of the burgeoning relationship she had shared with Zelda. And damned if she didn’t use that to her advantage.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and rolled over, the view of the forest lit brightly by the full moon greeted her as she peered through the window. </p><p> </p><p>They had planned a midnight picnic, she and Mary, for she had promised to show Mary a plant that flowered only in moonlight. She had smiled at the excitement in Mary’s face, at her joy at learning all of Zelda’s secret “witch knowledge” as she called it. </p><p> </p><p>Loss, never ending and caustic, washed again and again like waves, but she had cried all the tears she could, and had rounded the corner into acceptance, which has its own set of deep pratfalls, the kind you don’t see as you wander about in a dark room. Zelda did not know if she would survive this pain.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps this was better, she thought, for Mary’s life was temporal, her death coming first was inevitable, and Zelda had never let herself get involved with mortals for this very reason. Or anyone for that matter, not to the level she had with Mary. Coming so close to those three words, Zelda had stopped herself, never giving voice to them. But that pulsing ardor through her veins was foreign, far beyond lust and longing, and she was afraid of the consequences of giving in to the emotion.  Never appearing to have a heart was easier than heartbreak, but she felt sure Mary had known how she felt. It was unspoken between the two.</p><p> </p><p>Her musings were interrupted by a strange sound, akin to a moan or howl. And the sound came from inside the house.</p><p> </p><p>Fumbling in her bag, Zelda retrieved her gun, quietly opened the bedroom door, stepping into the hallway bathed in light from the nearby bathroom. The noise, now lower, more animalistic, stopped her in her tracks, for it was interspersed with distinct chewing sounds.</p><p> </p><p>She glanced into the opposite bedroom, and seeing no inhabitants, she assumed Lilith was in the bathroom, but was not prepared for what greeted her as she rounded the corner into the lit room.</p><p> </p><p>Being a mortician, Zelda was not easily taken aback by gore, but this actually shocked her into silence. The scene, beyond macabre, belied the true nature of what was happening. A body, what was left of one, rested in the tub, Lilith sitting to one side, licking clean what appeared to be a mandible. </p><p> </p><p>Blood bathed the room, that being the thing that caused Zelda to look away, her gun clattering to the floor, and she leaned against the wall as the memory of Mary’s dead body assaulted her, images of torn flesh, the stirring odor of the first stages of decay had her eyes closing. She willed herself to breathe, her hand on her sternum, counting three in, three out as she tried to regulate her breathing.</p><p> </p><p>“What, what did you do?” Zelda gasped when she recovered her voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Did I wake you?” Lilith nonchalantly asked, unaware of the trauma the scene was causing her housemate. Enjoying the last of her meal, she twirled her fingers, disposing of the remains with a spell, glancing now and then at Zelda who stood stone still.</p><p> </p><p>“Zelda, I...this isn’t what it looks like.”</p><p> </p><p>Eyebrows shooting to her hairline, Zelda drawled, “Please enlighten me then, because cannibalism is what this looks like.”</p><p> </p><p>“I must eat, you understand that, don’t you? This is all I know,” Lilith’s voice spoke to her shame, her need for Zelda to somehow justify what she was doing.</p><p> </p><p>Receiving neither condemnation nor approval, Lilith stood and drifted past her, and soon Zelda heard the clinking of ice against glass.</p><p> </p><p>“Join me?” she heard Lilith call quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Finding herself unable to fully process what she had witnessed, Zelda equivocated, torn between returning to her room or hashing it all out with Lilith, the latter winning, Zelda trying to decide if this could explain a bit about what happened to Mary. Perhaps if the demoness needed flesh to survive, and grew fascinated by Mary, she no longer stalked her as prey, but chose her to suit her need for temporary housing as she walked the earth. </p><p> </p><p>Tying a silky robe around her waist, for watching the woman leer at her would be more than Zelda could bear at this moment, she found herself in front of the fire, opposite Lilith, who seemed positively aglow after her feast.</p><p> </p><p>They drank in silence, sizing each other up, neither wanting to venture out in speech first.</p><p> </p><p>“You must think me quite horrifying, Zelda.” Lilith finally broke the silence.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda narrowed her eyes at that. “Traditions of this nature have been a part of our coven for 15 years now, what with Faustus returning us to the old ways with the Feast of Feasts.” </p><p> </p><p>A high handed laugh left Lilith at the mention of the high priest, “That man..” She shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>Squirming a bit, Zelda forced a look of what she hoped would be piety and respect across her features. </p><p> </p><p>“He <em> is </em> our representative on earth for the Dark Lord after all, and I for one…”</p><p> </p><p>“Let him have his way with you?” Lilith finished.</p><p> </p><p>“This conversation is not about me, and what nerve you have. Do you spend all your free time nosing into my affairs?”</p><p> </p><p>“So you do submit yourself to the high priest, for...what did he call it? Ah, penance, that’s it,” her sneer was evident even in the low light of the fire.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda sighed loudly, gripping the glass in her hand tightly, til she felt the surface crack.</p><p> </p><p>“For your information, not that I owe you any explanation at all, Faustus and I have not been involved for quite some time, so whatever despicable game you are playing here, I assure you that you are entirely off base.” The indignation in Zelda’s voice was hard to miss.</p><p> </p><p>“My my, it’s easy to ruffle your feathers. And I thought I’d be the one in the hot seat tonight,” Lilith’s amusement was evident as she rose to refresh her drink.  Zelda drained hers, careful not to put her lips on the crack in the glass.</p><p> </p><p>Lilith returned to her seat, folding her legs under her, her tanned skin exposed in the firelight.</p><p> </p><p>“Really, why are you still pretending to be this example of witchly saintliness? We both know you pray to me when the chips are down.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t mind me saying so, the Lilith I prayed to and the Lilith sitting in front of me are diametrically opposed to one another.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are we? Am I not the Lilith that survived in the wilderness, a huntress, a predator? Is that not what you witnessed earlier? And isn’t that what you admire most, my independent nature, my ability to fend for myself?” </p><p> </p><p>Zelda considered this.</p><p> </p><p>“Was Mary your prey as well?”</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, Lilith spoke, her voice now low and free of sarcasm. “Not exactly, for I only eat male flesh.”</p><p> </p><p>“So when you spoke of needing her body…?” Zelda left her question hanging in the air.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t that need I was attempting to fulfill.” Lilith seemed now to hesitate, stalling, unwilling to share what Zelda needed to know.</p><p> </p><p>Becoming frustrated with Lilith’s puzzling answers, Zelda tried another tactic, attempting to draw out her motivation. </p><p> </p><p>“Can you at least tell me why it had to be Mary? Surely there are others here you could have…” She stopped, unable to say the very words that seemed to bring finality to Mary’s life, to what they shared, to a chapter of her own life she felt she’d never replicate.</p><p> </p><p>“The choice of human being to inhabit wasn’t mine to make.” A darkness now seeping into her tone, Lilith glanced up at the inverted cross above the mantel.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda’s brows knit together at that, and she was incredulous as to why Mary, a quiet, unassuming woman, would attract the attention of the likes of Lilith.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t understand. You were watching her, her home, her comings and goings. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Were you not also present here? This had become a second dwelling for you, at least up until the past week.” Lilith seemed to be almost pleading with Zelda to understand, to deduce her meaning.</p><p> </p><p>Leaning forward in her seat, Zelda’s hand went to her mouth, her eyes widening in shock, realizing what Lilith was intimating.</p><p> </p><p>“You...you were here for me all along. Was it some sort of accident then, and Mary took the brunt of what was meant for me?”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith bit her lip in a gesture so like Mary; Zelda’s insides twisted.</p><p> </p><p>“The sin was yours Zelda, Mary was only collateral damage.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith’s simple declaration cemented everything, and all the oxygen seemed to leave the room, the edges of hyperventilation hovered around Zelda, and she tried desperately to hold on.</p><p> </p><p>The tumbler shattered in Zelda’s grasp, pieces falling to the floor. Her guilt so great, for now she knew the blame lay at her feet, the final piece of the puzzle having fallen into place. </p><p> </p><p>“We argued last Sunday evening, and I thought to give her time, space. And when did you…when did she ?” Zelda could not finish the sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I can’t take credit for that, Zelda, for that act was his. But I was a witness, a co-conspirator as it were, for I did nothing to stop him. And when the deed was done, he was gone, for he isn’t fond of the aftermath, the cleanup. He always delegates that task to me. But this time I couldn’t bring myself to leave her. And he wanted an even greater lesson for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Turning to the fire, unable now to meet Zelda’s gaze, she finished her admission.</p><p> </p><p>“He? Surely you don’t mean…?”</p><p> </p><p>“Certainly you know exactly who I mean. Did you think he would allow you to flout convention, throw away traditions that have lasted millenia, and leave your devotion for him because you found a bit of happiness in your life?”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith’s tone turned bitter with some hidden meaning, perhaps a memory, losses of her own she’d borne to his jealousy and egotistical indignation.</p><p> </p><p>Tears were flowing down Zelda’s face, and she made no effort to wipe them away.</p><p> </p><p>“And how did you know to bring her body to my house?”</p><p> </p><p>“I knew you were skilled in the art of caring for the dead. And you buried her away from prying eyes. An unclaimed body creates too many questions.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda thought of the moments standing before Mary’s home, the protective shield she had conjured increasing in strength as she repeated the incantations over and over. What of her protection spells, her charms? Nothing she had done had been enough. But, against the Dark Lord she really was no match.</p><p> </p><p>Seething internally, the helplessness she felt rendered her frozen. So she sat stone, the only symptom of her inner rage being her increased respiration.</p><p> </p><p>“You said there was to be a further lesson, what did you mean by that?”</p><p> </p><p>A sound escaping her much like a chuckle or a sob, Lilith lowered her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I was to seduce you, bring you back to the Path of Night, remind you of your long forgotten acquiescence.”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking her head, Zelda closed her eyes. She had known the risks, but even this seemed to be an extreme in discipline, an overreach, something she did not feel she merited. </p><p> </p><p>Thinking to ground herself, she made to press her fingernails into her palm, forgetting she was grasping a shard of the broken tumbler.</p><p> </p><p>Hissing from the pain, the warmth of her own blood ran down her wrist and forearm, and Lilith watched her strangely, seemingly fascinated with Zelda’s reaction to the deepening wound in her palm. </p><p> </p><p>“Tell me why I shouldn’t push this straight into your jugular and let you feel what Mary felt?”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda spoke suddenly, catching Lilith off guard, and the demoness’ eyes widened a bit before settling into the hard, steely gaze she had mastered after thousands of years of abuse.</p><p> </p><p>Lilith was quiet for a moment, and she seemed to be contemplating whether Zelda was bluffing. Their eyes met, a standoff of sorts. And Zelda’s gaze softened for a millisecond, for in that moment it was as if Mary’s eyes were staring back at her. </p><p> </p><p>“You never had it in you to kill anyone, Zelda Spellman, not even to avenge your dead lover. No, you’ve seen too much death to do that. But that’s what makes you strong, not the fact that you’d commit murder and walk away. You’ve got that infuriating quality I couldn’t find in any other witch of your caliber - mercy. And that is why I need you, why I agreed to enact his wrath. For this can be our escape, yours and mine.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is it wrong that I'm almost enjoying the verbal sparring matches between Lilith and Zelda? I feel like they'd be just like this in canon. Perhaps we will see that someday. Come on, HBO Max.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. she used to be mine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Mary had choices, I saw to that, I told her she should do what made her happy, and who did she choose to take up with? Me, someone who could give her nothing but empty promises, worthless protections, childish charms to line her pockets. I led her down a primrose path to destruction. Don’t speak to me of choices, when the only choice I made for myself was destroyed by my own hands.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've listened to "she used to be mine" on repeat as i've written this chapter as it brings home the idea of free will, decisions, consequences,  and having choices taken from you. </p>
<p>Warning: Mentions of self-harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>She's imperfect, but she tries</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She is good, but she lies</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She is hard on herself</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She is broken and won't ask for help</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She is messy, but she's kind</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She is lonely most of the time</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>-sara bareilles</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A pounding on the door of the cottage woke Zelda suddenly, and she reflexively stretched her hands in front of her, remembering suddenly how her fingers had nearly been decapitated as she gripped the glass fragment the previous night, but there was no pain, not even a scar, only the remnant of blood remained, giving evidence to the damage she had inflicted upon herself. Twisting her hands in the sunlight, it was as if the confrontation had not occurred, that she hadn’t threatened murder upon the woman she’d prayed to since childhood. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The incessant tapping occurred again, and, sighing, Zelda rose from the bed to see to it, as Lilith seemed to have made herself scarce. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Squinting into the bright morning sunlight, the redhead held a bloody arm to her face, her expression sliding into irritation at her sister standing at the glass, and Hilda’s brows rose skyward. Zelda quickly shoved her soiled hand into her robe pocket, opening the door with her free one.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Through the window, Zelda could see a familiar car idling in the drive, her sister’s significant other waiting behind the wheel.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Hilda?” Zelda spoke with little tolerance or patience, stepping aside to allow Hilda entrance. “You’ve found me, now what is it you need?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At that same moment the door to the garden slammed shut, Lilith entering through the kitchen, glancing towards Hilda Spellman’s agape mouth, and looking away with a roll of her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, hullo?” Hilda looked at Lilith as if she was an apparition, face full of questions as she glanced at Zelda, who now realized her nightgown was also smeared with blood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your sister is fine, perfectly fine, Hilda,” Lilith called from the kitchen, as neither sister had spoken again, their raw emotions still running under the surface, each pair of green eyes refusing to meet the other.  “Run along, your attentive little man needs you,” Hilda glanced over her shoulder to see Dr. Cee pointing to his watch. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Zelda?” Hilda questioned, her eyes now shimmering with unshed tears, confusion etched on her soft features, and Zelda realized how she must appear, lacking a night’s sleep, covered in her own blood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Speaking in a lower voice after a glance over her shoulder, Zelda placed her hand on Hilda’s arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Take care of Sabrina and Ambrose, sister. I will see you soon enough.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Backing away, Zelda firmly closed and bolted the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Glancing over her shoulder as she made her way to the car, Hilda met her sister’s eyes through the window, and Zelda, seeing the concern there, waved her blood tinged fingers in an effort to reassure Hilda, inadvertently causing her to stop in her tracks, eyes wide with worry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sensing Hilda’s attempt to infiltrate her consciousness, Zelda backed away, effectively cutting Hilda off, preventing her from digging further. She watched the car drive away, and moved towards the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rummaging through the cabinets in search of something, she saw Lilith eying a crystal vase on the top shelf, stretching herself as far as she could reach but failing to grasp it. Zelda came behind her as she saw her distress, extending her arm to easily grab the item.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why in the world would she place that on such a high shelf?” Lilith muttered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice failing her for a moment, Zelda imagined Mary gardening, coming upon the brunette knee deep in soil, planting her bulbs and seeds, blooms Mary would now never see. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mary wasn’t fond of cut flowers; she preferred to see them growing, sitting in her garden surrounded by them.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Observing that Lilith had picked a number of wildflowers from what must have been a walk through the woods, Zelda began placing them into the vase, Lilith rinsing them in the sink as she handed them off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She was very fond of daisies,” Lilith said simply. “But I found a dark red rose pressed in a book of poetry by her bed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her breath catching at that too, Zelda moved to rinse her hands, turning away surreptitiously to wipe at her eyes. Thankfully, Lilith didn’t continue sharing what she’d found as she sifted through Mary’s remembrances.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A recollection assaulted Zelda’s senses as the aroma of the flowers drifted through the kitchen. She had arrived at the cottage door, rain pelting her as she ran from her car, holding that one red rose, extending her hand towards the teacher as she opened the door. Mary eyed the rose, her expression melting into a knowing smile, she then  pulled Zelda inside. Mary hastily removed the witch’s rain soaked garments then took her hand and led her to the bedroom. They could read each other so well by that point, Zelda's expression of passion and love had been encapsulated in that rose, and Mary never asked for more. She shook herself out of her subconscious, for she could feel Lilith’s questioning gaze upon her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda shrugged, letting a breath out and in. “She was also fond of mementos, such a sentimental person, my Mary.” A dull pain settled in her chest, and she desired to be alone, but Lilith’s eyes told of something deeper, something the demoness seemed desirous to share.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you mind if I…?” Zelda indicated the coffee as she opened a cabinet door in search of a mug. Lilith shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment of exploring, she located the correct spot, turning to Lilith with puzzlement and annoyance across her features.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you done some rearranging, because I don’t seem to recall that Mary left things quite this way.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looking a bit sheepish, Lilith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Her way didn’t suit me.” She went quiet for a moment. “I-I’ve never had a place of my own, you know. A place that was just mine to arrange as I pleased. I thought to take advantage of the opportunity while it was mine to take. Does, does that bother you? I’ll make it right if it does.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith seemed so very unsure of herself now, the bluster and boldness tamped down after her revelations of the night before; her forced collaboration in Lucifer’s schemes combined with Lilith’s act of kindness in depositing Mary at the mortuary softened Zelda’s hard heartedness towards the first witch, but she was not positive she wasn’t being drawn into yet another elaborate scheme, another punishment, the result being her own certain downfall.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s only the movement of some dishes. Do what you like.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda filled her mug, her back turned to Lilith as she spoke, so she missed the look of relief that passed over the brunette’s face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They arranged themselves at the kitchen table, drinking in silence, Zelda conjuring a cigarette captured in her ring holder, hoping the nicotine would fend off a headache she could feel building behind her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Lilith began. “Even though she may be a bit nosy, your sister does seem to genuinely care for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Taking a drag from her cigarette, Zelda nodded, rolling her eyes in assent.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She has a high capacity for nurturing, an area in which I am shockingly lacking.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A fact not entirely true, or at all of your doing,” Lilith’s tone went down to sympathy. “You were not always required to be the stoic matriarch of the Spellman clan, that decision was made for you. As were so many of your decisions.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suspicion reared its ugly head at Lilith’s unobstructed characterization, Zelda fearing the worst, not quite sure if the woman was making an attempt at reconciliation or, as she feared, Lilith was a coiled snake, seeking her prey, and waiting to strike when Zelda let her guard down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, well, someone had to step in, and by rights as the oldest I had very little say in the matter, and aside from that, my family needed a firm hand at the helm, otherwise they’d destroy our good name, what’s left of it anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Humming in response, Lilith continued to sip her coffee, and Zelda contemplated on a butterfly that landed near the kitchen window, its wings unfurling as it drank greedily from a bloom on this somewhat warm fall morning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Funny you should mention your family name, Zelda, for I recall a time when the Spellmans were known far and wide for their constancy and devotion to the Dark Lord. But now…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll ask you to not remind me of my family’s fall from grace, thank you very much. What with Edward marrying a mortal, Ambrose and his criminal plots, not to mention Hilda and her ongoing romance with that carny costumed vampire…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you, of course,” Lilith interrupted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Me?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Zelda paused, fear coursing through her like a jolt of electricity.  “Are you referring to Mary? Why, our relationship was nothing as permanent as a marriage, and my devotion to the Dark Lord has never wavered, at least outwardly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was referring to your torn allegiances, and the fact that you’ve always held your family above everything, even above your pieties to the Church of Night, and perhaps above Mary as well. But more than these,” Lilith gently spoke now, without a hint of malice, so much so that Zelda was tempted to believe she genuinely cared.  “I’m referring to how you’ve never had your own choices, been able to make your own decisions, to carry on the Spellman name the way you’ve seen fit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She thought to throw the words right back in Lilith’s face, to declare how she had lived her life on her terms, but Lilith knew the truth. Zelda’s life had never been her own; she was first a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a lauded fixture in her coven, yet she desired so much more, and Mary had been the start, the beginning of chasing her own needs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Zelda had no inclination to listen to Lilith turn philosophical, not after she all but laid the guilt of Mary’s death at her feet. No, she would shut down this obvious ploy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How you can talk of choices after you so much as took the knife that stabbed Mary and put it in my grasp. I can’t comprehend it.” Zelda could not keep the angry bitterness from her voice as she addressed Lilith, and once she began, the fury she’d been holding in since discovering her lifeless body in her basement would be caged no longer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mary had choices, I saw to that, I told her she should do what made her happy, and who did she choose to take up with? Me, someone who could give her nothing but empty promises, worthless protections, childish charms to line her pockets. I led her down a primrose path to destruction. Don’t speak to me of choices, when the only choice I made for myself was destroyed by my own hands.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda stormed from the table, slamming the bedroom door and crawling back into bed, still in her bloodied gown, her only desire to sleep and forget.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Waking hours later to quiet, she reasoned that Lilith had gone off to Baxter High, continuing her ruse as the newly glamorous Ms. Wardwell. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not knowing a day without responsibility, Zelda rose and dressed slowly, drifting from room to room, feeling as if she were intruding on Mary somehow, delving into her privacy, yet she felt their relationship had left her with so many unanswered questions, things left unshared, so her sleuthing seemed worthwhile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda passed the next few hours looking through the books she found on the shelves in Mary’s childhood bedroom, discovering just who Mary was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A collector of fine literature herself, she appreciated the care Mary had given her volumes, alphabetized and organized neatly on the built-in bookcases that covered the walls. She was especially delighted in Mary’s curiosity in the occult, even delving into Latin and Greek tomes of ancient witchcrafts. Oh, how she would have loved to discuss these subjects with Mary.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But the most telling items were the photos.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda found albums neatly organized on a bookshelf, and as she opened the first, she felt as if Mary were there by her side, pointing to various ones, telling tales of what had happened when each was snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary as a darling baby, wispy curls already visible, her bright blue eyes following whatever prop the photographer had used to hold her attention.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary on what must have been her first day of school, looking so proud, rather reminding Zelda of Sabrina on her first day of kindergarten. She was a little doll in a brand new plaid dress with a broad starched white collar, an apple in her hand to give to the teacher.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary as a girl, gangly and thin, curly hair plaited into braids with pieces escaping at all angles, her glasses cockeyed on her face as she grinned for the camera, hanging upside down from a tree. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was then the photos changed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary as a young woman, clothes now clearly designed to hide her developing body, her eyes downturned, standing next to a woman who must’ve been her mother. Zelda noticed that Mary’s posture was one of defeat, and her mother’s gaze towards Mary gave an air of disapproval. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary at her high school graduation, standing alone, as groups of friends behind her posed in clusters, sadness evident in her small smile, clutching a golden cross around her neck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary on her first day of teaching at Baxter High, eyes wide and nervous, but her smile authentic again. Alone again, other teachers gathered in the periphery of the photo. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alone, even in a crowd.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda wished to go back, to start over, to ask Mary a million questions instead of being so afraid to be asked those same questions in return, for evidently Mary harbored some demons of her own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A moment Zelda recalled replayed itself in her memory.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They were preparing for bed one evening, Zelda brushing her strawberry blonde waves, Mary attempting to tame her mane into two wavy braids, when Mary remarked on how she had known a girl in school with hair just that same shade of red. A “firecracker”, Mary had declared, much like the redhead before her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With some prodding Mary had admitted to a crush on that girl in her freshman year. How terrified she was that everyone would know, that she would be exposed, so she never spoke of it to anyone. She had mentioned how she never pursued it because it just wasn’t done, not in Greendale. And her eyes had filled with tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps Mary had been made to feel ashamed of who she was, perhaps she had finally shared her infatuation, only to be ridiculed. Zelda felt it could have been both, for Mary had been so fearful of rejection at the start of their relationship, apologizing for her perceived shortcomings, and constantly making self-deprecating comments.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Zelda had been no better, pooh-poohing her own feelings, hiding behind a cloud of smoke, becoming irritated when confusion or pain overwhelmed her, having denied her own emotions for so long she could hardly identify them, instead burying them under a veneer of indifference. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As a child, she had stood between her siblings and her warring parents, their savior and fortress, denying herself the protection she fought to give them, and it had shaped her persona permanently. Very few saw behind that iron shield she wrapped about herself, her heart at the center of that armor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Letting Mary in, allowing her an intimacy few if any had known, Zelda had taken a calculated risk, but she could not let herself take possession of the guilt for her dear Mary’s death, for she had done what came naturally, without a second thought, for the first time in forever, and that did not warrant the consequences she paid. But the dark shadows of guilt still seeped in, their weight an albatross around her neck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finding herself in Mary’s garden now, wandering among the freely growing roses and lavender, running her fingers through the lamb’s ear and sage, Zelda felt Mary’s presence all around her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh Mary, I miss you dearly. You always had a way of talking me down, easing my mind, taking care of me as no one else has. If only you could be here, just for a moment…</span>
  </em>
  <span>Zelda sat amidst the flowers, wrapping her arms about herself, willing the remembrances to bring her the peace her soul desired.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead the old familiar tormentor anxiety began coursing through her as she trembled, and to counter that she paced, her thoughts swirling in her troubled mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary’s trusting face turned towards hers in wonder as they lay together by the fire, Lilith’s dark accusations falling like cold rain on her already broken spirit, Hilda’s disappointment as she found Zelda cowering on the bathroom floor, Sabrina’s disinterest as Zelda pleaded with her to take her dark baptism seriously; all of this was on her shoulders, weighing her down, dragging her under.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rubbing her hands up and down her arms, pushing down the fear, raw and encompassing, she sought refuge in what was her bedroom, seated in front of the window and taking slow, deep breaths.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without finding relief, she turned to her razor as remedy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And that is where Lilith found her, eyes closed, leaning back against the bed, heavy gouges dug into her thighs, her breathing shallow and uneven.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She removed the razor from Zelda’s grasp, the pads of her fingers gently hovering over the cuts, healing them as she had Zelda’s wounded palm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, now Zelda, you’re worth so much more than this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda leaned forward and braced herself on her hands, hissing at the remaining pain as she stretched out her legs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looking at Lilith through bleary eyes, she murmured, “Leave me alone.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I won’t do that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda ran her fingers over the healed skin, willing the pain to return so she could press down and feel something again, anything but the crushing burdens she carried for everyone else.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I failed her, Lilith, like I’ve failed everyone who has the ridiculous notion to trust in me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That couldn’t be further from the truth, Zelda, for, in all honesty, you truly merit their trust, and you are no failure.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith spoke hesitantly, as if she felt a bit of compassion for Zelda.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That morning you woke in my bed, your back was to me and I saw the scars there.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda, alert and on guard now, angrily retorted, voice raw with embarrassment and shame. “And? I’m sure those aren’t the first flaggalation marks you’ve ever witnessed in all your time in Hell.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Flinching at the biting tone, Lilith stood to retrieve something to clean the mess left behind at Zelda’s self-condemnation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, no, they’re not the first I’ve seen,” she spoke as she re-entered the room, kneeling next to Zelda. “For I’ve seen many levels of depravity man can fix upon another, or upon themselves, but I can tell yours aren’t entirely penance.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead’s face was brought low at that, at her deity, the one she’d prayed to when she attempted to place herself between Hilda or Edward and their raging father, temper wildly out of control at some childish slight they’d committed; the one whose name she’d called out after her mother had locked her in the root cellar for days on end, her only company her sad-eyed Basset Hound who wound himself around her, warming her when the damp chill invaded the space.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They did that to you.” Lilith’s voice was low and even.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brow furrowed in confusion, Zelda looked down at her legs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your father. He punished you for being more powerful than your brother, more powerful than him even. He was terrified of you, how weak he appeared next to you. He held you back, told you you weren’t worthy of being a leader because you were a woman. And your mother, driven mad by a Caligari spell gone wrong, she pinned the blame on you for everything that went awry in your family. Made you a scapegoat, the pariah.  I saw it all, I was there. You prayed to me every time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wheeling around, Zelda faced Lilith head on, saying the first words that entered her mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So why didn’t you stop them? Why didn’t you help me?” her voice breaking as she spoke.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith paused in cleaning the blood that had stained Zelda’s dress.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I did stop him. He wanted to kill you, and he came close if you remember. But he couldn’t finish the job, and he left you alone after that. I made sure of that. Each time he thought to harm you, let’s just say he found it more and more difficult to enjoy all those young witches he hid away with in his office at the Academy. And your mother suddenly became more interested in Edward’s prospects, if you’ll recall.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A bit disgusted, Zelda remembered the fear in her father’s eyes when she returned home from the Academy on holidays, how he avoided her. She had assumed he had lost interest in her, as her mother had, with Edward’s new position in the church. Now she knew the truth, for Lilith had saved her life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you had grown to love the pain by then, you embraced it and made it your own. Because all those scars didn’t come from your father, some were by your own hand.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No judgement filled Lilith’s face, no haughty laughter now, for she appeared sincere as she spoke.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyone who can take the handful of darkness given to them, adopt it, and even finetune it to meet their needs has my admiration. For you see, I have my own scars and I, too, have made them badges of honor.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At that, Lilith dropped her glamour, and on her arms, face, and neck appeared zigzag lines and scars, rope burns, deep gouges, cigarette burns, criss crossing each other, layer upon layer, a lifetime of horror witnessed upon her body.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I too have felt the cruelty of a man  I depended on to love me as he promised, only to have him turn on me time and time again, replacing his supposed love with wrath.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda gasped for a moment and caught herself as Lilith replaced her etched body with the freckled, soft flesh of Mary Wardwell, their eyes meeting in understanding.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Lilith took Zelda by the hand, pulling her up from her seat on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you go walk with me in the woods? The air is particularly balmy tonight, we may catch the sunset if we hurry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The twilight of an Indian summer evening greeted them as they strolled side by side in silence, their thoughts occupied by what had transpired between the two, their common experiences building a tenuous bridge.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Breaking the quiet trance that enveloped them, Zelda motioned towards the smooth rocks surrounding Mary’s resting place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mary had no idea, you know. I always wore a glamour over the frail skin of my back, and if she noticed me wince when she touched me she never let on.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were only trying to protect her as you do everyone you care for. I’m sure she was aware of that,” Lilith moved to sit on the level stone, her features afire in the wake of the setting sun. “I want you to know that I won’t pry into the time that was yours, the two of you, not any more. Those are memories I shouldn’t be privy to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nodding her head in thanks, Zelda let her eyes drift closed in the quickly graying light, sighing as she felt the first tendrils of the peace she’d prayed for, the resignation of what had occurred settling in, and the beginning of something else; an anger burned within her, a lowly lit flame only now, but the indignation, the fury, the unsettled debt that had to be paid was rearing its head. She knew who had killed Mary, and soon enough she would be in the position to right that wrong, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is about to become a bumpy ride. :)))))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. it's quiet uptown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And perhaps the fact Zelda knew how much Lilith enjoyed these little moments, the dependency they formed, and the fragile trust they shared made her feel a bit freer, more willing to be open and honest as they sat together. That in combination with the redhead’s ability to look at Mary’s face straight on now without drowning in her own guilt.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've been doing some reading on how trauma affects us all so differently, especially in families. Each person has a role to fill, and I suppose I just imagine how all of these characters fit into that structure too. A dysfunctional family has a golden child, someone who gets ignored, and the scapegoat. Anyway, it's just interesting to me.</p>
<p>Trigger warning: Some mentions of physical abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>There are moments that the words don't reach</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There is a grace too powerful to name</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We push away what we can never understand</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We push away the unimaginable</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>-lin-manuel miranda</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda had been laying the groundwork for full-out alcoholism most of her adult life, numbing her emotions whenever possible, wherever necessary, her witch tolerance for liquor sustaining her liver indefinitely. And what the alcohol didn’t anesthetize, the razor blade and cat of nine tails quickly buried in her subconscious.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And, true to form, after another almost sleepless night of vivid dreams, waking in a room too filled with the woman she’d lost, Lilith came upon Zelda hunting a bottle of whiskey she knew Mary had kept just for her, a little addition to her morning coffee.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith did not see the appeal of emotional compartmentalization. Emotions came and emotions went. If she was angry, she broke something or someone. If she was hurt, she did the same, her emotional range being simple after several millennia of abuse. So Zelda’s attempts to numb her feelings seemed to baffle the demoness, although Lilith’s recent familiarity with grief and loss, fear, shame, lack of control, all increased her empathy towards her housemate, for Lilith was finally acknowledging, even just to herself, that she experienced these emotional reactions as well.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Zelda’s compassion for Lilith had increased tenfold after viewing her disfigurement, and even without the knowledge of the origin of her wounds, Zelda knew all too well the position Lilith had found herself in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith approached Zelda from behind, placing her hands on the redhead’s hips, moving her to the side as she opened a cabinet door, revealing a shelf well-stocked with various liquors. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s your poison this morning?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without waiting for an answer, Lilith wrapped her hand around the half-empty bottle of Irish whiskey, and handed it back to Zelda, not looking over her shoulder, but hearing an exhale of relief as thanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They had established a routine in those following days, not exactly of comfort, yet of necessity, finding each other’s company somewhat grounding after the darkness of the night. Sitting with their coffee somewhat reminded Zelda of the breakfast table at her home, and she found she missed that time. Lilith seemed more than agreeable to this bit of domesticity, and she had said as much, for a regular home life with all its trappings was completely foreign to her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their walks through the woods had continued, most times ending in the same spot, Lilith sometimes telling of her day in a soft voice, Zelda rarely chiming in, but listening just the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>And perhaps the fact Zelda knew how much Lilith enjoyed these little moments, the dependency they formed, and the fragile trust they shared made her feel a bit freer, more willing to be open and honest as they sat together. That in combination with the redhead’s ability to look at Mary’s face straight on now without drowning in her own guilt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lilith, I don’t lay any blame on you, at least not any longer.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her words, still a tad tremulous as she spoke, caught Lilith by surprise, a cooling shower on a hot desert day, and she was stunned speechless for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I appreciate that. When I said it was your sin that caused --”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda cut her off with a raised hand, and gave a gentle shake of her head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s not. You were speaking what you thought to be the truth, at least partially, and if I know anything about you, I know that you speak your mind.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Huffing a laugh at that, Lilith’s voice drew down to near silence, “Too much, even when it is warranted.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The singing of the early morning birds filled in the empty space after that, neither of the two women feeling the need to keep the conversation going. And all too soon Lilith’s eyes stole to the clock, and Zelda stood to prepare for her day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Zelda, can you hear me out for a moment? That’s all I ask right now, that would be enough.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Placing her cup back on the table, Zelda took her place again, her eyes meeting Lilith’s with a bit more warmth than Lilith seemed prepared to receive. She bit her lip and began to say the words she seemed to have been wanting to express for a while.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If I could take her place right now I would. I would have stopped him before the deed was done; I should have done just that. And I’m not sure what you have in mind going forward, but I think it’s time we start talking about that. Will you think on that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nodding, Zelda stood quickly, started to walk away, but thought the better of it and stopped behind Lilith, placing her hand on the woman’s shoulder and squeezing gently.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda dressed, Hilda’s worried face on her mind. She had not returned home since her sister had turned up at Mary’s cottage unannounced, and she wanted to make things right.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No matter the disagreement, whether it be Zelda’s rampant drinking or Hilda’s seeming inability to discipline their niece, she felt a pull towards her sister like no other connection. Their interdependence had created a balance, one side of the scale depending on the other, otherwise it seemed they would both topple over.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Determining to set right the damage she had incurred as well as doled out the last time they spoke, Zelda set out for her family home, feet somewhat lagging as she felt any apologies would be rejected, perhaps Hilda having reached the end of her patience.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For all her faults, Hilda was Zelda’s constant, even after her dalliance with her vampire-for-all-seasons began, the two were linked, parentally to Ambrose and Sabrina, and deeper still as they aged, their sororal bond increasing through the years.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That Lilith, all but telling her to get out, what must Hilda think of me right now. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She hastened through the woods at this thought, heart pounding, desperate now to feel the warmth of Hilda’s arms and forgiveness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course, by the time she entered the archway that signaled Hilda’s territory in their home, she had tamped down all her anxieties and fears, reining in her emotions and hoping her face resembled something like repentance.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda’s back facing her, her sleeves rolled, she was up to her elbows in dishwater, a task so mundane, but one in which Hilda found peace, for she did love to make things proper and clean again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda pulled open a drawer by the stove, retrieving a towel, and began to dry the breakfast dishes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Turning to her, Hilda’s eyes conveyed just a hint of cheer at the sight of her sister.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you come back to us?” she asked, and Zelda smiled to herself at the bit of hope she detected.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not yet,” adding her own bit of hope as well, for she had wanted to answer plainly no, but couldn’t bring herself to disappoint Hilda again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Continuing to work in silence, washing and drying, Hilda handing off wet dishes, their fingers momentarily touching, Zelda drying and placing them in their familiar places, their carefully crafted dance of forgiveness well known to them, words not necessary, tenuous balance restored.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda sat at the kitchen table, Hilda pouring them each a mug of peppermint tea, and the redhead caught a glance of a small scar across Hilda’s cheek. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her index finger reaching out to trace it, Zelda spoke quietly, “About that night…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was horrible to you. I was too much.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda nodded, taking the hand that still brushed her cheek.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And Lilith was beyond rude, what with her all but shutting the door in your face.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda dropped Zelda’s hand, her voice choked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lilith, the Lilith? The cursed is her womb, mother of demons Lilith? Bloody hell, Zelda!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda knew Hilda’s shock would override her good sense, so she allowed her a moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sabrina cannot know. Do you understand that? For all our sakes, before I continue, you must promise me that. It is a necessity for all involved, including myself, that she carry on with thinking Mary Wardwell is alive and well.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda’s face was a mask of concern and fear, her eyes wide and bottom lip already trembling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Zelds, what have you got yourself involved in? Why is she here?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda sighed, fearing she had made a mistake in revealing Lilith’s identity, spoke more harshly than she intended.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re just going to sit there and cry like a ninny, I can’t trust that you will be a help and not a hindrance. Perhaps I’ve made an error in judgement,” she rose, Hilda shaking her head furiously.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, wait, wait, sister, whatever this is, I can handle it. You just caught me off guard.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hesitating, Zelda began to pace, stopping at the sink and lighting a cigarette from the pack she had brought.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lilith is here on the Dark Lord’s orders.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Orders?</span>
  </em>
  <span> What reason would he need for her to play at being Mary Wardwell?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda sighed, torn between keeping that portion of the tale to herself, for she couldn’t contend with Hilda’s pity, not when she felt more herself than she had in weeks. She internally debated laying the whole truth out on the table. Hilda’s reaction would be unfairly harsh, she was sure, so she kept her own council concerning Lilith’s motivations for being in Greendale.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lilith is covered with scars, resulting from burns, lacerations, and stripes from what appear to be a whip. She seemed to need some sort of escape from Lucifer.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda furrowed her brow, refilling their tea cups and shaking her head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand, she’s the first witch, powerful, godlike herself. We prayed to her as children, you and me. Are you certain her wounds aren’t, you know,” Hilda was unable to finish, but the meaning of her words wasn’t lost on Zelda. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Self-inflicted? Is that what you’re unable to elucidate?” An edge made its way into Zelda’s voice, finding, yet again, Hilda’s lack of empathy astounding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, you know how she’s meant to be a sex demon, a succubus, like Dr. Cee so I wondered if it was part of, you know, um…..” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Hilda, far from it. Lucifer, from the look of it, has used her as his scapegoat for quite some time. Her pain seemed far from pleasurable, and from the tale she shared, I don’t think that’s the case.” Zelda willed her sister to see what she had witnessed, to see Lilith as she had.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She then got to the true reason she had returned, beyond seeking her sister’s forgiveness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sister, I will not be returning until I see whatever is truly going on with Lilith through. I owe her that much, and she has asked nothing of me as of yet, but I feel her presence as Mary will be more difficult the longer she lingers, as the Dark Lord is bound to seek her out, Greendale being a portal to Hell’s gates.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a scoff, Hilda could not seem to keep the anger from her voice. “Asked nothing of you? That’s not exactly true, now is it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda could not disagree, yet she did not give voice to her feelings.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda ventured a question, taking Zelda’s hand in hers as she did, but the soothing touch did little to ease the pain her words inflicted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t believe I could forgive and forget so quickly. How do you stay in that house, with Mary everywhere around you, knowing her demise was caused by the one who inhabits the house as well?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alternatively grateful Hilda had never experienced trauma that perhaps would have softened her heart to others and at the same time thankful for the free-flowing loyalty Hilda felt towards her, Zelda squeezed the hand in hers as she answered from her heart, deciding full disclosure was better than the continuation of Hilda’s character assassination of Lilith due to her misunderstanding of the situation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel I must be completely honest with you, and perhaps your feelings toward Lilith will be altered as mine have been, admittedly though it has taken time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda lit another cigarette, leaning back in her chair, taking in the coziness that was their kitchen, their childhood home, once her prison, now they had made it a place of solitude and tranquility, their uncommon little family. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was correct in my taking the blame for Mary’s death as I did, but truly, Hildie, I don’t feel I deserved it, nor did Mary deserve such a punishment. Lilith so much as admitted that I ‘flouted convention’ with my relationship with a mortal, and that enraged Lucifer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> committed the final act, not Lilith; he killed Mary in cold blood, allowing her to endure the consequences for my actions.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She paused in the telling, unable to continue for a moment, her eyes darting to the door to the root cellar, long unused now, but the remembrance of what that room represented washed freshly over her. And near the door, ever present, a constant reminder of the affection he had lavished on her in life, Vinegar Tom in his basket, her loyal familiar.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And now Lilith is here as a reminder of my unfaithfulness to the laws we must abide by as witches. She was sent originally as further punishment, a torture of a kind, but I don’t hold her accountable for any of it. Lilith did what was necessary to survive. I’m very familiar with the loss that sometimes accompanies doing what one must do to go on, however unpleasant.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leaning forward, Hilda looked on Zelda in understanding, in sympathy. She was knowledgeable of the treatment Zelda had received from their father and mother, her relationship choices through life so affected by their harsh actions, resulting in the difficulties she had in trusting those around her, and her deep seated need to protect everyone, so she also looked to be taken aback upon hearing how bluntly Zelda was able to express her newfound empathy towards Lilith. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sister, Sabrina has been asking questions about your absence and how you reacted to her school project, but it doesn’t seem she’s put two and two together yet. Is there some way I can be of assistance to you, aside from keeping Sabrina out of your business?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda pinched the bridge of her nose as she spoke. “Sabrina has a never-ending talent for poking her nose where it doesn’t belong, one day that particular skill set she possesses will be to her detriment. I can trust that you will be discreet with what I’ve shared, can I not?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda nodded, “Mum’s the word.” she said with a grin. Zelda rolled her eyes skyward and made her way to the front door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly remembering, Hilda bounced to the entryway ahead of her sister.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I found something caught in the drain downstairs, and I think you might want it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hilda opened a drawer in the sideboard by the front door, handing Zelda a gold chain with a pendant. Holding it up, she saw the cross Mary had been clutching in her graduation photo, engraved with an M on the back side. Mary wore it under her clothing on occasion, as Zelda remembered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Hilda.” Zelda held it tightly, lovingly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Caressing her sister’s cheek, rubbing her thumb over the raised line where the razor had left its mark, Zelda gently smiled, promising to contact her soon.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Entering the house she now thought of as her own, Lilith was surprised at the pleasant aroma wafting from inside. She rounded the corner into the kitchen as she spied Zelda unwrapping some takeaway containers, and the redhead looked her way, her smile lighting her face in a way Lilith had never noticed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My sister took pity on us, knowing my lack of culinary skills,” Turning to retrieve some plates, Zelda quickly remembered Lilith’s particular palette. “Is roast chicken to your liking?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith nodded, taking the container to the table before the hearth, and with a twist of her fingers the fire sprang to life, chasing the chill from the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So you paid a call on your sister today?” Lilith began to serve the two of them as Zelda handed off the utensils, the pleasant scent of rosemary and sage filling the room. The brunette took a bite and closed her eyes in bliss.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Chuckling at Lilith’s obvious adoration of Hilda’s cooking expertise, Zelda described her remorse at the treatment they’d given her sister and how she felt it fitting to get Hilda up to speed at what had occurred, thinking perhaps she could be of some use in the future.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith raised an eyebrow at that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I know all about sweet as saccharin Hilda and her murderous tendencies, you made a wise choice in recruiting her.” She raised her wine glass in salute to Zelda’s decision.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They continued to dine, the crackle of the fire the only sound for a bit until Lilith sat back with her glass between her fingers, crossing her legs, exposing the length of her thigh in the process.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda’s eyes lowered to drift along the silken fabric of her ridiculously tight dress, her appreciation evident at the sight before her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I imagine you are stoking the fires and imaginations of so many young minds at Baxter High now, what with your hair and other,” she chuckled as she said the words. “other quite adequate ways you fill out your dresses.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, thank you very much, but it has been the older minds that have been more, how shall I put it, amorous in their appreciation,” Lilith curled her lip in disgust as the words escaped her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Older?” Reflecting a moment on whom Lilith could be referring to, Zelda realized her meaning. “Not Principal Hawthorne.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The very same. He is a fly in the ointment, constantly up under me, in and out of the classroom, inviting me to dine with him, at his home no less.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He certainly gave Mary her share of grief, so I suppose he thinks he’s well within his rights to continue. Such a timid thing, Mary found it difficult to confront him, and he went so far as to threaten her job security, intimidating her, inferring she was being watched. She felt he meant to fire her over her beloved book club, but I feel he knew of our relationship and intended to expose her. And that would not be well received in Greendale.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Snivelly little man, not worth his salt at all. These mortals, how narrow minded they are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finishing the last of her wine, Zelda made to straighten behind the two of them, taking the plates into the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, let me, you went to all this trouble,” Lilith followed her, turning on the tap until steam rose and the sink filled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What trouble? We must eat.” Zelda took her place as she had done that morning with Hilda, Lilith washing and handing dishes off to her, then Zelda drying and replacing them in the cabinets. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Disappearing into the back of the house for a moment, Zelda returned with a wrap, handing one to Lilith.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall we see what the moon’s getting up to?” She gestured towards the door, Lilith’s mouth crooked up into a smile as she lowered her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They had ventured a few moments when Zelda spoke quietly, touching Lilith on the arm, her hand remaining for a beat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a million miles away, for I usually know at least one good tale of teenage angst by this time. Baxter High must have been somewhat tame today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Chuckling, Lilith took a few more steps, stopping to gaze at the silvery lunar surface through the trees, hazy with clouds. She glanced at Zelda whose pale face glowed in the moonlight, and Lilith found herself speaking, the words spilling out, an explanation, a treatise to her need for asylum.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel I need to be more forthcoming, if only to help you understand the dire situation that caused me to want to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda gave Lilith her full attention, tightening the shawl she draped around her body to ward off the chill of the evening, wanting it now as a shield for what Lilith might say.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“At the start, it was lovely. He found me wandering, alone, and I cared for him, healed him, gave him confidence, until his ego became too large for even him to manage. He truly believed he was a god, and woe be unto anyone who questioned him, even the legions of angels that had followed him from Heaven.  I was a fool, I know. I trusted him, believed the tales of love and affection he spun, even when he hit me, kicked me, laughed at my tears, spat on me when I tried to fight back, until I didn’t believe anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears of empathy sprung to Zelda’s eyes, her heart aching for this woman, this near god, her god, the answer to her prayers as a child.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He told me he loved me. Love, a heartless word, it meant nothing, for he said it as he put matches out on my arms, as he made me watch as he killed everything I cared about. He was only ever cruel.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith’s voice broke on the last few words, and Zelda moved closer, but still kept her distance.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But it wasn’t until I saw myself carrying out those same wicked acts that I knew that he had won. And I began to see myself as he did, worthless and disposable. It was time for me to go.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears fell from her eyes as she finished.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I had no choice when I stood by, watched him kill Mary, at least that’s how it seemed at the time. And, yes, you have every right to hate me, for I couldn’t have been more brutal than to take away your Mary. But here you are, standing by me. I don’t understand…” her voice drifted off as she wiped at her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all you ever knew, Lilith, and it becomes second nature if you let it. The brutality, the pain we inflict on others only serves to soothe our own brokenness.” Zelda spoke with understanding, without condemnation. “I have also made choices I regret deeply, hurting those around me, those who were blameless.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you believe we can choose another way?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith looked at her with hopeful eyes, searching Zelda’s face for a hint, a sign. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mary believed we could, and she accepted me, faults and foibles notwithstanding. She saw in me a better person than I ever imagined could exist.” Zelda couldn’t meet Lilith’s eyes, not when it seemed she pinned so much hope on her, for Zelda didn’t believe she merited all this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But I’m not worthy of her, Lilith, I never was.” Turning away, Zelda looked up, realizing they had arrived at their nightly destination, for they always ended up sitting on those rocks, the ground of the grave now pressed flat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sinking onto the dirt, Zelda pressed her hands into it, breathing deeply, and Lilith sank down next to her, taking Zelda by the chin and turning her face to look into her eyes, those cerulean eyes that only ever looked on her with affection, now burning with expectation, anticipating a future and safety.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who exactly decides who is worthy? One could say that a mortal would never be deserving of anyone in our realm, but would that be accurate? Can we turn the tables and discern if your Mary deserved you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She deserved much more than me, my half a heart that twists into cruelty when someone gets too close, with my broken inability to even speak my feelings into words.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But don’t you see? Even with all your supposed shortcomings, all the darkness settled in you, she saw only the light emanating from within. When you speak of her, you radiate, almost in the way your magic circulates about you. But this isn’t magic, it’s not innate, instinctual, this is beyond even that. Why, look at the kindness you’ve shown me. You’re not the monster you suppose yourself to be.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zelda wanted to believe this, still unsure, but something so innocent in Lilith’s face, free of guile and malice, so truly Mary’s face now, and she took Lilith’s hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You let her in, drew her close and she saw every part of you, and she chose to be with you, to love you, to accept you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Zelda said simply, “I loved her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lilith answered in the same simple way, “You chose to love her. And she made that same choice, she loved you, without fear, without doubt.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looking away for a moment, Zelda met Lilith’s eyes once again, a new strength visible now, for in making her admission, making her choice, choosing herself above her own fears, she felt a power she hadn’t for a very long time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do believe our choices truly can belong to us, Lilith.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. both sides now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“There are some here that have chosen to associate themselves with this mortal world, allowing their allegiances to slide. I want you to know that the Dark Lord has seen fit to allow your return now, if you will turn away from your prideful ways. But, be warned, if your fickle heart continues in its peripatetic manner, your doom will soon follow!”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some smut mentioned in this chapter. Is there a term for sad smut?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>But now it's just another show </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> And you leave 'em laughing when you go </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> And if you care, don't let them know </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Don't give yourself away </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>                                                                                                                   -joni mitchell</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Taking a chance, Zelda tapped on the bedroom door occupied by Lilith, opening it slightly after knocking. She had not ventured many times into this sanctum since that morning she awoke curled up to Lilith, dreaming fervently of Mary, but the shift she felt in herself gave her a boldness, an inner fire that pushed her grief to the background.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith sat against the headboard surrounded by pillows, reading glasses perched on the end of her nose, <em> The Grapes of Wrath </em>propped on her one bent knee, and she glanced up at Zelda as she entered the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They had gone quiet after their walk a few hours before, but Zelda felt restless, and not having a focus to her energies in weeks had left her with a dullness in her spirit. When she tried to sleep now, however, she found her mind racing, thoughts of radical change, a newfound freedom filled her with excitement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tugging off her glasses, she folded them and placed them by the bed in the same ceramic bowl where Mary had so often placed hers, then Lilith patted the bed beside her, signaling for Zelda to enter, as she still remained in the doorway. Zelda’s eyes were wide with expectation and curiosity, noticing that Lilith had changed little about the bedroom, and she smiled at the new additions hanging in the closet, probably the most chic garments this room had been privy to in its history. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tentatively sitting on the edge of the bed, Zelda worried the rings she wore, spinning them round and round, and she jumped slightly when Lilith cleared her throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sure it’s quite odd sitting here with me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda shook her head slightly as she looked down, then sat up straighter and laughed quietly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have no idea,” she closed her eyes a moment. “But, being here with you has become easier, and, frankly, I couldn’t bear another moment of pity from Hilda. And Sabrina tends to either see straight through my attempts to negate her nosiness, or she pretends I don’t exist. So being here is quite...agreeable.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith had leaned forward while listening to Zelda, her green velvet robe slipping open in the process. Not being one for modesty, she let it drape there as it fell, and Zelda found it so very strange to see this body she knew intimately exposed, so different now in just the way Lilith held herself. Mary was never embarrassed of her nudity once she and Zelda had crossed that barrier between them, but Lilith’s sexuality exuded poise and confidence in a way Mary had never possessed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Glancing down at herself, her breasts nearly spilling over the silken lapels, Lilith smirked at Zelda’s blatant staring, the witch not even seeming to realize it as she was lost in her thoughts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zelda, if you don’t stop you’ll have me blushing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, then cover yourself, I can’t help admiring what you’re so openly putting on display.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Smugly smiling, Lilith let the robe fall open even farther.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think I will. I’m rather fond of this...” Lilith stopped herself, realizing how completely insensitive it would be to comment on Mary’s body in such a way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She was a beautiful woman, and she knew how much I enjoyed our physical relationship, as did she,” Zelda traced circles on the chenille coverlet. “I really came in here to discuss what you feel we should do, given the Dark Lord sent you here to, how did you put it, seduce me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking on that myself. Supposing he is watching, checking up on your repentant progress, then perhaps we should be seen together. Any thoughts as to where?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A wave of anxiety washed over the redhead, as she and Mary had been so careful, their privacy imperative to the both of them. And now pushing this relationship into the open seemed the most logical solution. She wondered how her family would react to this knowledge, thinking that perhaps they could manage keeping Sabrina in the dark a bit longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Perhaps we could go to dinner somewhere, preferably in Riverdale, for you are still Mary Wardwell, prim and proper teacher, and being seen together may set tongues to wagging in our humble town.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith shrugged at that, unconcerned at the reactions of the mortals in Greendale, her only worry being how she was perceived by Lucifer, that he regarded her as following his orders to the letter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Surely he knows we’re cohabitating,” The brunette spoke with an almost false confidence, her own insecurities at his perception rising to the surface.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If he had his spies peering in these cottage windows, following my own magical signature as I came and went daily, then he mostly likely is following the same pattern currently,” Zelda drew in a breath, shuddering as she thought again of her failings, unable to protect Mary, and now, possibly unable to protect herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She spoke again, almost haltingly, desiring Lilith to understand what she was about to say, to see beyond the outer appearances and into her true motivations.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And I should begin attending Black Mass again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a moment, Lilith allowed the dispassionate mask she wore slip, and Zelda viewed the disappointment in her eyes, the quick downturn of her lips and but then her mask slid back into place, and she waved her hand in the air, brushing Zelda’s declaration off as nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course, he’ll be expecting you to be a good little witch, to toe the line and do exactly as he commands.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But it means nothing. You understand, I must do it for my own safety as well as my family’s, for what if he decides to target them next?” Zelda toyed with the sash of her robe, Lilith suddenly interested in reading her novel again. “What if you came with me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes peering over the top of the dark reading glasses sternly, Lilith lowered her book.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now what place would Mary Wardwell have at the Desecrated Church? You’d be more likely to attend Sunday services at the Presbyterian church with me, and we’d both go up in flames as we entered the sanctuary. No, you go on ahead, and this will give you time with your family, as you said.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raising the book once more, Lilith seemed to put an end to this conversation, so Zelda rose to leave, feeling uneasy, the trust they seemed to have gained between them strained now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See you in the morning then.” She glanced back at the brunette, who nodded quickly, and Zelda shut the door quietly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>**********</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tossing and turning hours later, Zelda’s restlessness caught up with her once again, and she gave up on sleep, quietly opening her door, feeling drawn to that bottle of whiskey Lilith had given her earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sat in the dark, the moonlight catching the etchings and grooves in the crystal tumbler as she brought it to her lips, her faithful comfort in times of insecurity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feeling confident in the decision to return to the Church of Night, she hadn’t expected Lilith’s negative response, in fact she had anticipated whole hearted agreement. Perhaps she saw it as a sign of disbelief, a loss of faith in Lilith herself, which couldn’t be further from the truth. If anything, she saw Lilith now as a lifeboat she clung to as she drifted the oceans of grief and sorrow, for the first witch had brought purpose and aim to her life again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hating her inability to put her feelings into words, she knew finding a way to express them to Lilith would be her mission now, for the disheartened look in the brunette’s eyes wouldn’t do at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And now what would she say to Sabrina? Mary had been horrified at the thought of Sabrina seeing her as anything less than an upstanding role model, a fact that meant little to Lilith, for she found the youth of Baxter High amusing to hear the tales of her days in the classroom. But Sabrina was truly her aunt’s niece, for she had hard and fast rules she held others around her to, and she hadn’t missed Zelda’s craven disapproval of her parents’ marriage when it was discussed, something Zelda wished she could now retract, for Diana had truly loved her brother, and he had been the better for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda had also expressed disinterest at Sabrina’s mortal relationships as well, which would surely be thrown back in her own face when she revealed her own dalliance with Mary, not undeservedly. Just as Zelda merited her own choices in a partner, Sabrina did as well in her choice of friends. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> Mary would take my hand and tell me how much she loved me, make me feel safe, take me to bed and hold me, </em>the ache of grief pounded through her again with these thoughts, for she missed the gentle encouragement Mary gave, craved it even.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She returned to her own bed, and unbeknownst to her, her last thoughts of Mary had been overheard, and Lilith had made a decision to remedy Zelda’s heartache, if only to win her over and demonstrate her remorse once and for all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>**********</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Standing in the foyer of the only church she’d known, aside from the services she’d sought out in her travels when she felt her faith waning, terror gripping her at being caught out in her unfaithfulness. This place had once seemed somewhat peaceful, filled with congregants not unlike herself, those she could relate to, people she had had in her home, and she recognized them now, standing from afar, with them but not a part of them any longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She caught the bright blonde head she’d been hunting, and she made her way to the third row, slipping in next to Hilda, giving her a tightlipped smile, feeling her sister’s cool hand close around hers in greeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sister Zelda, your attendance tonight is most welcome,” Knowing that voice without looking up, she felt Faustus’ sharp nails digging into her shoulder as he stood by the pew. Her presence had been noted, and she sighed inwardly with relief at that box ticked, perhaps now she could relax a bit, turning to acknowledge coven members with a nod of her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father Blackwood stood at the unholy altar, his golden edged robes tastefully tailored to fit him perfectly, a gaudy effort at sanctity, Zelda thought. Knowing him since they were children in their Academy days, she knew his true motivations for leading the church were far from spiritual guidance and more towards his leanings for power and prestige. When her brother had bested him, his mentor at the time, and become High Priest, Faustus had become impossible, his maniacal ravings about Edward leading the Church down the wrong path had forced Zelda to cut him off, no longer associating with her childhood friend and one time suitor, for supporting her brother became her life’s focus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And now he had everything he had ever wanted, but it seemed to have warped him somehow, skewing his persona even down to his appearance, for he had been a handsome boy, but his features now seemed sharp, hawklike, a menacing figure as he stood before them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tonight we will speak on the subject of the faithless heart, the wandering spirit, the one who Lucifer rejects,” He slammed his large Satanic scriptures on to the podium, theatrically sending a column of flame skyward, and the performance had its desired effect, as the gasps around her evidenced. Zelda herself felt a cold chill rise up her spine, fighting to keep her face blank of reaction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He continued with his message, occasionally pounding his hand on the scriptures, marching around the stage, eyes full of hellfire, reminding Zelda of a carnival sideshow barker, his cheap magical tricks causing her lip to curl reflexively in disgust.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The false god and his parables would have some believing that the one wandering soul merits all his attention, searching and rejoicing when that one lost sheep is found and brought back into the fold. But I tell you Lucifer has no such intent! If you drift away, you will be found, oh yes, but your return will not bring about jubilation and joy, for our Dark Lord has blessed you with delicious gifts, and in turning away from him, you bring disgrace and shame upon yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Swallowing back the bile that rose in her throat, Zelda dug her fingernails into her palm, willed her mind to think of other things, but she seemed unable to turn off his vile words as they wormed their way into her consciousness, laser focused on her disbelief, or so it seemed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There are some here that have chosen to associate themselves with this mortal world, allowing their allegiances to slide. I want you to know that the Dark Lord has seen fit to <em> allow </em> your return now, if you will turn away from your prideful ways. But, be warned, if your fickle heart continues in its peripatetic manner, your doom will soon follow!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The remainder of the sermon was lost on Zelda, alternately feeling angry and anxious, droplets of sweat running down her back, everything in her desiring to leave, run away from this place and never look back. She couldn’t bring her eyes to look over at Hilda, but she felt those huge green orbs focused on her. Adding another layer of stress, she could also feel Hilda attempting to infiltrate her emotional state, so Zelda put up as many walls as possible to block her way, but she was certain Hilda knew her terror and fury because she reached for Zelda’s hand, but the redhead jerked hers away, not wanting any obvious evidence of the reaction she felt towards the sermon to be seen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as it ended and it was properly possible to leave, Zelda bolted for the door, quickly exiting to teleport back to Mary’s cottage.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>She appeared, standing at the door, taking deep breaths and willing her heart to slow in its pounding, and her hand shook as she opened the door into the living room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith sat before the fire, and her eyes widened at Zelda’s condition as she entered the room. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened?” she demanded as Zelda sank into the chair opposite her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking her head, she held up her hand, asking for a moment to gather herself, to meld the racing ideas in her head into some cohesive thoughts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Faustus Blackwood is consistent, I’ll give him that.” She finally managed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Consistently horrifying,” Lilith agreed. “Did he touch you? I’ll see that he never fondles anyone again, for I would enjoy watching him beg to keep each and every one of his fingers.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, he did graze my shoulder in greeting, and I felt satisfied in his knowing I had attended the service, perhaps passing along that bit of information to the Dark Lord, but it was the subject matter of his sermon that made me feel a spotlight was indeed shining on the very pew on which I sat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda briefed Lilith, including all the parlor tricks Blackwood had used to regale his audience, the utter vanity his robes and decor exuded, and by the time she wound her story up, they both decided some whiskey was in order.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Settling back and letting the fire warm her chilled insides, Zelda drank deeply, allowing the liquor and its warmth to settle her nerves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He knows, doesn’t he? Blackwood, he’s aware of this penance Lucifer is expecting from me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think that is a logical assumption at this point,” Lilith sipped from her drink, watching Zelda closely. “At least now you know that they will never accept anything outside the antiquated rules that misogynist has instituted.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But where will I go? You know witches without covens are targeted, and what of my family?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda rested her face in her hands, overwhelmed yet again, and the world seemed much smaller now, as she felt ostracized from her own coven now, causing her loneliness to multiply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, Lilith came to kneel before Zelda, taking her hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to help you, but I can’t begin to think of many things I would have to offer you, save one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lowering her hands, Zelda looked up, more out of fatigue and frustration than curiosity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what would that be?” She was completely puzzled until she looked into Lilith’s eyes, seeing the genuine concern there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Close your eyes, don’t look at me, just listen to my voice.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wanting to trust that Lilith meant her only solace, she complied, hands resting now in her lap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She jolted at the gentle touch on her face, the hand cupping her cheek, but the voice caused tears to prick her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zelda, my beautiful Zelda…” Lilith was speaking, but it was Mary’s voice Zelda heard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wanted to resist, wanted to shove Lilith away, for she couldn’t use the woman like this, but she was so very tired and didn’t have the strength to fight. The very idea of being with Mary again caused a sob to escape her, and Lilith gently brushed her hair back, peppering her face with light kisses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reaching for her, Zelda buried her hands in Lilith’s hair, pulling her up to meet her lips with her own, kissing her softly, moaning at the feel of her warm, familiar mouth. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not wanting to break the spell, Zelda held back all she wanted to say, the words of love for Mary she let float through her mind. She sat back in the chair, opening her eyes to see Lilith looking up at her from her place on the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda stood, taking Lilith’s hand and leading her to the bedroom, completely unsure of what she was doing, but needing a moment of connection, a place to be where pain wasn’t the only thing that surrounded her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She began to remove the blouse Lilith wore, but the woman stilled her hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is for you,” she whispered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reaching behind her neck, Lilith unclasped Zelda’s necklace, laying it on the vanity, followed by the vintage earrings she wore. She continued looking into Zelda’s eyes as she found the zipper of the redhead’s dress, lowering it slowly, and, finding no resistance from the witch, she peeled the dress down her shoulders and helped her step out of it, draping it over a chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Standing in her silk slip, Zelda kicked off her heels, and they made their way to the bed, Lilith laying propped on her elbow, and Zelda on her back,   her face turned toward Lilith.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With one finger, Lilith traced the contours of Zelda’s face, as Mary had, as if to map each feature, and Zelda closed her eyes again, lost in the tenderness lavished on her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She felt the bed dip as Lilith moved closer, meeting Zelda’s lips again, her kisses light and playful, her fingers now moving lower, straying down the redhead’s bare arm, drawing patterns on her soft skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They remained like that until Zelda could bear it no longer and she reached for Lilith’s hair, pulling her closer, their mouths opening, gasps leaving the both of them as their tongues met, and Lilith’s fingers dug into Zelda’s hip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith broke away to kiss down the side of Zelda’s neck, behind her ear, taking her earlobe in her mouth and biting lightly, and Zelda moaned at that, so Lilith continued, sucking on the tender flesh. The redhead’s hands still buried in her hair, she arched her back as Lilith continued her journey down her chest, using her teeth, soothing with her tongue, finally reaching the edge of the slip Zelda wore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sitting up, Zelda helped Lilith pull it over her head, leaving only her lingerie between them. Lilith cupped her breast through her bra, squeezing gently, lowering her tongue to run along the edge of the lace, Zelda’s whimpers encouraging her to reach back and unclasp it, tossing it aside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please,” she whined. And Lilith didn’t deny her, lowering her mouth to one taut nipple, swirling her fingers around the other, maddening patterns that soon had Zelda rocking against Lilith’s leg, seeking more stimulation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith slotted her thigh between Zelda’s legs, allowing her to move as she chose, and she continued laving her breasts, alternating between the two, using her teeth again to pull at each nipple. Zelda gripped the fabric of the blanket in her fists, biting her lip to keep quiet, and Lilith soon lowered her head to travel down the soft pillow of Zelda’s abdomen with her lips, reaching the edge of her panties, one finger dipping under the elastic, teasing still.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One hand still carded through Lilith’s dark curls, Zelda had thrown the other arm over her face, not looking, not seeing seeming to make what was going on between them justifiable, as Lilith knew exactly how to play her body, as Mary had learned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But when Lilith began to lower her panties, tugging them down her smooth legs, her soft fingers tracing against her inner thighs, Zelda’s breath catching in her lungs, her hips rising to meet Lilith’s questing fingers, her brain caught up with what was happening around her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> This is wrong, this is wrong, I can’t use her like this… </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, no, we can’t do this!” Zelda sat up suddenly, covering herself with her arms. “This isn’t right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith backed away, as if she expected blows to rain down upon her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? I <em> want </em>to do this for you, I want to make you feel good, to see that you need me, to see that I can be of use to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Zelda didn’t hear her words, didn’t grasp the meaning of what Lilith was saying in her mortified state. So she blurted the first thing that came to her mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re not her, Lilith. You’re not Mary, and nothing you can do can change that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Lilith’s face contorted at that, turning away from Zelda. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda knew she’d gone too far, said too much as she always did, but it was too late. She moved from the bed, gathering her clothes, walking across the hall to close the door, her heart clenching in her chest at the mess she’d made.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>**********</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sleep evaded her for hours, for now she felt the responsibility of the callous disregard she had shown Lilith, and she was sure Lilith was disgusted and appalled at her treatment. Zelda couldn’t erase the memory at how Lilith had pulled into herself as if she expected Zelda to injure her. And then Zelda remembered clearly what Lilith had said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> She had wanted to show how she could be useful to me. Useful? Have I led to believe this is all she means…. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sun was rising as Zelda bolted from the bed, and as she opened the door, the sound of glass breaking met her ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hurrying towards the crash, she found Lilith on the floor, large shards of what remained of the coffee pot around her. She was gathering the pieces when she noticed Zelda standing beside her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No coffee today,” Lilith’s voice was far away, like she spoke from somewhere deep inside, dark circles ringing her eyes, a sallow tone to her skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bending to clean up the damage, they gingerly gathered the fragments, both reaching for the same part at once, Lilith catching her thumb on a jagged edge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Lilith,” Zelda pulled her toward the sink, rinsing the cut free of any glass in the cool running water. She moved as if in a fog, allowing Zelda to hold her cut under water until the stream ran clear of blood. The redhead wrapped a bandage around it, Lilith’s silence remaining.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mary has a French press somewhere, please sit down and let me take care of the coffee.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Removing the small press, she prepared the water and the coffee grounds, trying not to steal glances at Lilith who was now staring out the window into the gray light of early morning, her bandaged thumb at her mouth as she anxiously chewed on the edge of the plastic wrapping.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zelda brought the steaming mugs to the table, seating herself in Lilith’s line of vision, causing the woman to look down, hair falling forward over her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gently, Zelda reached across the table, aiming to take Lilith’s injured hand in hers, and the brunette hesitated long enough that Zelda began to pull away, Lilith suddenly reaching out and grasping Zelda’s warm hand, tugging it back to the middle of the space between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t and you don’t have to do anything for me, beyond what you’ve already done, and that in itself is immeasurable; it was my very survival, “ Zelda’s voice trembled, and she gripped their connected fingers more tightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lilith looked up, biting her lip until Zelda saw blood bloom on the rosy surface.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As women, we so often do what is necessary to endure, to face another day, to survive. We sell ourselves so short, hearing constantly how worthless we are, eventually believing seems the next logical step.” Continuing on, Zelda’s mind drifted back through the miles of memories, the lovers she’d tolerated, mistreatments leveled on her with little resistance, feeling this was to be her way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you survived every ordeal, Zelda. You flourished.  Became someone people respect, hold in awe, fear in fact.” Lilith’s low voice rose in warmth, half smiling when she spoke of the fear Zelda drew out from those who encountered her wrath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And <em> you </em> survived, Lilith, and you did what you must to survive,” Zelda lifted Lilith’s chin where her face had dropped. Lilith stayed silent in that almost question, confirming in Zelda all she suspected. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As you told me, you’re worth so much more than that. Just surviving. For survival is for only hanging on, not really living. It’s time you lived, time for you to thrive.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Zelda stood to kneel before Lilith, taking her hand. She looked into those dear blue eyes with a reverence that took Lilith aback.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
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</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. melancholy sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“These two are tools of Lucifer, weak-minded and malleable in just the ways he loves and craves. And they think us unwise to their machinations, not yet, so that buys us a little time, but I think we should act soon.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Soooo...this one has some death AGAIN!! But, it's very satisfying.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Brutal starry eyes </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Stuck inside your head </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Fallen from the sky </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Risen from the dead </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Views from all the past </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Taken to new heights </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>                                                                                                                          -goldfrapp</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
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  <br/>
</p><p>Fastening the last button on the plum colored wool suit she wore, smoothing the adornments at each shoulder, Zelda straightened her posture as she left her bedroom, catching a glance of herself in the hallway mirror, and even she had to admit the apprehension in her eyes was evident. </p><p> </p><p>“He’s only a man,” Lilith, with a shake of her luxurious mane, had scoffed at the trepidation Zelda expressed at the possibility of encountering Faustus that day, and had offered to, in her own subtle way, to “rid him of his leering eyes in a most painful fashion.” Zelda, of course, refused the offer, thank you very much, but showed her appreciation for the sentiment. Lilith had her own pursuer in Principal Hawthorne, and she had vowed to put a stop to his overtures once and for all.</p><p> </p><p>Oddly enough, Zelda didn’t not find that she feared her former beau, instead felt something akin to pity for power and success came with a price he hadn’t known he’d have to pay, a debt growing deeper by the day. She felt positively exposed ever since she bore witness to his soap box diatribe on mortal/witch relations, and had no intention of being in his presence any more than necessary, yet he had the uncanny ability to lurk menacingly, appearing seemingly from nowhere, always at her elbow when she least suspected his presence.</p><p> </p><p>So when he emerged from the shadows at the end of a lecture she gave on Middle Age languages and their connection to modern day spellcasting she only half wished she’d allowed Shirley Jackson to take over her class that day,  knowing this confrontation was bound to happen, and sooner rather than later suited her well.</p><p> </p><p>She kept her back to him, only turning at the last minute when she sensed his approach. </p><p> </p><p>“Faustus, I..” she began, but everything about his stance caused her voice to die in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>He leaned closer, almost whispering in her ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you happy here, Sister Spellman?” His hot breath at her cheek caused her to shudder involuntarily, to his delight, for he kept his close proximity, flustering her further.</p><p> </p><p>Recovering quickly, but not quite firmly, she stammered as she responded.</p><p> </p><p>“W-Why yes, Your Disgrace, I am most happy to be doing the Dark Lord’s bidding. And under such an unholy figure such as yourself, it is truly an honor,” Zelda was sure to flatter his ego as well as define her certainty in the church.</p><p> </p><p>“Ahhh, just what I wanted to hear from one of our most devout penitents. Have you been saying your prayers?”</p><p> </p><p>He spoke to her as if she were but a child, an imbecile who needed to be led to and fro but she refused to take the bait, changing her tact a bit, as she knew he preferred having more than just his ego stroked by the witches of their coven.</p><p> </p><p>She pouted just enough to keep his attention, her voice as sultry as she could muster while utterly disgusted.</p><p> </p><p>“Why yes, Unholy Father, nightly. On my knees.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes darkened at that, and he gripped her arm, his sharp nails digging into the fabric of her jacket, tearing the flesh inside. </p><p> </p><p>“And the penance?”</p><p> </p><p>She looked up at him quickly, unsure if he meant the flagellation he’d promulgated or perhaps a darker meaning, but his nails now dragged the surface of her back, observing her reaction, so she winced for effect.</p><p> </p><p>“Regularly, Father.”</p><p> </p><p>“Very good, you always were such a <em> compliant </em>witch, especially when the situation calls for a firm hand.”</p><p> </p><p>Her anger flared at that, for he knew that particular button he pushed would get a reaction, so she stood still, holding back the tongue lashing he deserved for this treatment.</p><p> </p><p>Drawing his lips together tightly when she remained stoically quiet, he narrowed his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“One more question before I let you get back to your work.”</p><p> </p><p>She stood silent still, a stone in the face of whatever volley he tossed at her.</p><p> </p><p>“How is Mary Wardwell?” Surprise colored her features, as she hadn’t foreseen this, thinking she had him in the palm of her hand. “She certainly is different now, isn’t she?”</p><p> </p><p>Willing herself to speak, to respond with a witty retort, she found herself lacking, sure her face showed her distress. And his toothy smile assured her that he had received the reaction he had anticipated, and with that he left her with her troubled thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>Meeting her at the cottage door with a glass of whiskey and a comforting hand at her back, Lilith held off asking questions until Zelda was comfortable, having downed several glasses by that point.</p><p> </p><p>When they were seated across from each other, neither of them particularly hungry, food going cold as they each attempted to lighten the mood, pithy comments and jokes going flat as they tried to avoid the topic hovering between them.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda ventured first into the fray.</p><p> </p><p>“So, anything new to report from your doting principal?”</p><p> </p><p>Sighing deeply, Lilith took the tumbler from Zelda’s grasp and drank the remaining sip of liquor there. As she settled back in her chair, her body seemed to tense, arming herself for the telling. The deep blue of her eyes shimmered with anger, her fingers gripping the cushioned arms of her seat, and she spat the first few words in defiance and rage.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever else happens to me, I will relish killing that man, seeing the light go out of his soulless eyes, and the life drain from his insignificant body.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda raised one sculpted brow, nodding her head slightly to signal Lilith’s continuation of her tale.</p><p> </p><p>“He almost lost a finger today, I swear to you, as he ran it along the length of my hair, standing behind me in silence, as I must be losing my edge because I didn’t hear him. Truth be told, I was focused on some nonsensical anecdote Mrs. Meeks was recounting as I stood before her desk, and there he was. If I hadn’t turned around who knows where that hand was headed. Of course, he would have drawn it back a few fingers short had he continued on that lowered path.”</p><p> </p><p>She had Zelda laughing at that visualization, which was her aim, and they shared a moment of levity, but Lilith obviously had more to tell, so when they quieted, she looked out the window at the setting sun.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we?” She indicated the door, and the redhead nodded. “It feels as if the walls are closing in tonight, and I need some air to finish telling you this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, and, well, perhaps that will benefit us both,” Zelda led the way, their path into the woods well worn by this point, the early twilight breeze settling nerves and spirits as they knew it would.</p><p> </p><p>“First of all, may I say that your Mary was possibly the most tolerant, patient mortal I’ve known in all my years.”</p><p> </p><p>Unsure if Lilith was temporizing or if she truly meant the statement, Zelda hummed in agreement, adding, “She certainly had her work cut out with me, let alone all those teenagers she dealt with, and I never saw her cross with any of them, or with me until that last day…”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me, but nonetheless, she deserves sainthood for dealing with that man, that Hawthorne. A perfect moniker for his thorny disposition.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, as I told you, he threatened her, and us, indirectly, her and me. On more than one occasion. She laughed off some of it as professional jealousy, as she was a more experienced educator than him, but she had no aspirations to leadership, and she felt his persistence, even his constant badgering as he asked her to dinner, was evidence of his loneliness. She actually empathized with him in that.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith was shaking her head, and turned suddenly towards Zelda, taking her by the elbows.</p><p> </p><p>“He has a part in this. And he admitted it, albeit under duress.”</p><p> </p><p>“H-he w-what?” Her shock misaligned the conversation.  “He played a role in Mary’s death?”</p><p> </p><p>“I decided the incident Mrs. Meeks had the misfortune of witnessing was the final straw. So, when I was certain we were alone in the building, I crept into his office, stood in a dark corner as I overheard a conversation he seemed to be having with himself. As I leaned closer, I observed a pen hovering in the air over a piece of parchment, enchanted of course, and as he concluded his message, it self sealed and disappeared.”</p><p> </p><p>Furrowing her brow, Zelda stared at Lilith in confusion. </p><p> </p><p>“Is he...one of us? Enchanted writing implements aside, he had always seemed more ominous than magical, but at this point nothing would surprise me.”</p><p> </p><p>They walked on, Lilith gesticulating wildly as she described further.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly my thinking, but I’d never detected a magical signature around him, so being intrigued, I casually stepped from the shadows and caught the fool by surprise. He glanced all around, I’m supposing he wondered if I had seen his preternatural penmanship, but I gave him no indication as to what I'd witnessed. He then let his guard down, a fatal mistake, to be sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith paused, for Zelda stared off into the distance, her mind elsewhere, already racing ahead of this present conversation. The redhead sensed Lilith’s trepidation to continue, so she gave her full attention back with an apology.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m finding it difficult getting past his involvement in this infernal scheme, for he’s been part of Sabrina’s life for the past few years, a part of this town for decades, and he hid this from all of us for Satan knows how long.”</p><p> </p><p>“Satan knows how long indeed, for he has been pulling the strings, and he’s controlled Hawthorne’s movements for quite some time,” Lilith almost laughed to herself then. “He thought I was part of the deal he made with Lucifer, as his subservient wife.”</p><p> </p><p>Chuckling at the absurdity, Zelda thought out loud.</p><p> </p><p>“Well not you then, but Mary. He was promised Mary for his cooperation in these shenanigans?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, for he truly has no idea who I am, but it gets better than that. So, after he thought I had returned to his office to take him up on his offer for a drink after work, he began to straighten his desk, rolling his shoulders as if he was stressed and overworked, which was hardly the case, intimating to me that I should rub his oh so tense neck,” Lilith curled her lip and continued with an eye roll. “So I did what good and kind Mary Wardwell would do, I stood behind him, located the source of tension in his neck and pinched it with all I had. He was singing like a canary in less than a minute, telling me everything I wanted to know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have to admit, I’m impressed, less than a minute. And what, pray tell, did you glean from his tortured confession?”</p><p> </p><p>They had reached the far end of their path, and Lilith motioned towards the rocks where they sat side by side.</p><p> </p><p>“He was promised success in all areas of his life, including financially and professionally, but even the Dark Lord has his limits,” She had to laugh again at that, and Zelda chuckled in spite of herself.  </p><p> </p><p>“But Zelda, in exchange for these things, he would become a spy. He followed you two everywhere, around Greendale, at the cottage. And foolishly, as men do, he gave up his soul for this.”</p><p> </p><p>“And he took this information back to the Dark Lord?”</p><p> </p><p>“Through that enchanted parchment I witnessed, never directly to Lucifer himself,” Lilith concluded.  “I wiped his memory of our conversation after he told me everything. Zelda, I’m sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever for? We’ve already established you had no complicity in Mary’s death, and you certainly couldn’t have predicted Hawthorne’s part in this. You have no reason to be sorry at all. Lilith, please believe me when I say that I don’t hold you responsible in the least.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda reached for Lilith’s hand as the brunette brought her bandaged thumb to her mouth, nervous guilt bringing forth her coping mechanisms.</p><p> </p><p>She held on as they both sat, staring out at the sunset, the colors washing the woods with rose hues, an owl signaling the night’s approach with a mournful cry.</p><p> </p><p>“So now I must tell you of Faustus.”</p><p> </p><p>So they began their trek back to the house, hands still intertwined, and Zelda recalled what had occurred after class that day, how Blackwood had spoken to her as some wayward young girl, consigning her to atonement and self-abasement, how she had played to his ego and to their long ago sexual attraction, only to find she was the one being played in the end as he revealed his hand and his knowledge of Lucifer’s discipline.</p><p> </p><p>“He uses our former intimacy to his advantage, and I’m afraid I won’t be much help in whatever we course we choose to follow concerning these men.”</p><p> </p><p>“But Zelda, you underestimate yourself. For you know Blackwood’s ins and outs, his vulnerabilities, his weak points. And just as he pushes your buttons, you can push his as well.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure about that. He terrifies me, and yet I find myself wanting to please him simultaneously,” She pushed open the door to the cottage, finding it soothing to talk about the tumultuous relationship she had with Faustus Blackwood. </p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps I find it easy to say these things to you because you aren’t emotionally invested in me, but I feel that Faustus reminds me of my own father, unfeeling, unyielding, willing to see me suffer with no regard to the long lasting damage.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith nodded, and went quiet, her gaze now turned to the fire she’d set ablaze as they sat before the hearth.</p><p> </p><p>When she spoke again, her voice cracked as she began, but grew in strength.</p><p> </p><p>“These two are tools of Lucifer, weak-minded and malleable in just the ways he loves and craves. And they think us unwise to their machinations, not yet, so that buys us a little time, but I think we should act soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“I agree, and I also know this,” Zelda’s spoke firmly and with conviction. “For Mary’s sake, they have to die.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know I have absolutely no problem with that, however, Lucifer will have something to say.”</p><p> </p><p>“Undeniably he will, and we will need to rally ourselves for that time, but for now, let’s decide how to dispose of these puppets of his once and for all.”</p><p> </p><p>The two spoke long into the night, brilliantly concocting some scheme only to toss it aside when finding some loophole their prey might slip through, or some way they might find themselves horribly injured with no escape.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda finally hit upon a thought, and in sharing it with Lilith they both sat back in consternation, for it seemed too simple, too easy.</p><p> </p><p>“For the one it will be unexpected, and for the other, rather a Trojan horse, don’t you agree?” Zelda felt nothing but relief at Lilith’s acquiescence, for she knew herself well enough, knew her own weaknesses enough to feel any other way would fail.</p><p> </p><p>And when they parted later to sleep, she felt a comfort she hadn’t in weeks, dreaming only of Mary, sweet dreams she hadn’t known were possible.</p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>“Are you certain you’re ready for this?” </p><p> </p><p>“Quite, now ring the doorbell and find a shadowy spot to hide. Be ready in case I need you, for I’m not sure how -”</p><p> </p><p>The door swung open, revealing George Hawthorne, clad in a satin brocade smoking jacket, a martini in one hand, his idea of the very dapper gentleman, and it was all she could do to not turn on her heel and run.</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Wardwell, right on time, do come in.”</p><p> </p><p>His sweeping gesture nearly dislodging the olive from his drink, he recovered quickly, offering her a martini he’d had waiting by the door. Eternally grateful for the numbing effect the alcohol would bring, she drank it in two sips, handing him the glass.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like another?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, not trusting her voice quite yet.  He scurried away, the rat that he was, and she heard all too soon the ice rattling in the shaker, but not before she’d managed to get the general layout of his modest home. Bedrooms at the back, a tiny kitchen where he currently mixed their drinks, and only two exits. This would do nicely.</p><p> </p><p>He placed her refreshed beverage on the low table before the sofa, and she perched on one end, allowing her skirt to ride up enough to show an expanse of toned thigh, drawing him in like a moth to flame as he slid closer, looking as though he fought to keep his hands to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Like what you see? I chose this dress especially with you in mind,” she leaned forward, pressing her breasts upward through the window built into the dress, his eyes fixated on her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“I must say I’m flattered, and somewhat surprised. You’ve never even given me a second glance, and yet today you accepted my offer for drinks. How is this day different?” Never meeting her eyes, his gaze swept over her again and again.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing, she pouted and shrugged. “Sometimes I get so lonely in that empty house night after night, just me, all alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“You need a man to take care of you, Mary. Do you mind if I call you Mary?”</p><p> </p><p>“Heavens no, Mr. Hawthorne,” she thought she might be sick, but the gin was doing the trick, and she felt detached from the situation, focused on the task at hand.</p><p> </p><p>Allowing the conversation to proceed further, little touches of his hair and chest drawing him in, like a spider to her web, she sat up and looked at him coyly.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s play a game,” she looked at him through batting lashes, and he was all but drooling.</p><p> </p><p>“A game? Cards, backgammon?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, silly, you hide and I’ll find you. And when I do, I’ll give you a surprise. It’s something I’ve been yearning to give you for ever so long.”</p><p> </p><p>She ran her hand down his chest and stopped just at his belt, letting her fingers loiter there a moment, and looked back into his eyes, finding him quite affected by her touch.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh-uh all right, give me...sixty seconds. I’ll be waiting for you.” And he scampered away.</p><p> </p><p>Giving him plenty of time to hide and prepare himself for whatever he thought was about to occur, she reached into her bag, pulling out her 12 gauge shotgun she had secreted away.</p><p> </p><p>Opening the action, she loaded one shell into the chamber, all she would need to win this particular match. She closed it, raising the stock to her shoulder and moving quietly from room to room, pushing open doors with the tip of the barrel.</p><p> </p><p>A feeling so poignant, so agonizing struck her as she sought him out. Was this how Mary had felt? Did she hide, willing her attacker to give up out of sheer frustration? Did she cry out for mercy?</p><p> </p><p>Leaning against the nearest wall, Zelda gulped in breaths, and suddenly Lilith was with her, a hand at her back, another at her shoulder, strength pouring from the first witch to the one who had her blood, her heritage.  She shook herself, standing straight and tall again, placing her hand atop Lilith’s before stepping farther down the dim hallway, the glamour sliding back into place.</p><p> </p><p>She heard his heavy breathing before she saw him, in the dim light of the bedroom, sprawled out on the bed, having stripped down to his boxers and undershirt.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing the barrel of the gun first, he reacted by gasping, his wheezing now for quite another reason, then he noticed who held the gun pointed towards him.</p><p> </p><p>“Surprise!” Her voice shocked even her, sounding more like an angry demoness than a mild schoolteacher, and she smiled in spite of herself.</p><p> </p><p>Stepping closer, she aimed directly for his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“M-Mary, I-I...why?”</p><p> </p><p>She thought about dragging it all out, humiliating him, leaving him in some compromising position to be found days later when he didn’t report for work, shaming him the way he had undoubtedly shamed Mary, but she ultimately decided to say her peace, do what she came to do, and move on.</p><p> </p><p>“You are without a doubt one of the most insidious creatures I’ve been sorry to know, George Hawthorne. Not only did you insert yourself into my life repeatedly, uninvited and unwarranted, but you sought to ruin me over and over, and for what?”</p><p> </p><p>Brash even at death’s door, he jutted his chin forward and spat his words.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s absolutely nothing to destroy in your life that you haven’t already done yourself,” he curled his lip in distaste. “You’re one of those...women lovers. I couldn’t let you influence our innocent girls like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Pressing the gun into his side, she let her glamour fall away, revealing herself, shimmering with anger and fury now.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, but I’m more than that, you deplorable excuse for a man, for you see, Mary had the audacity to not only love a woman, but a witch as well.”</p><p> </p><p>His lips began to move, no sound escaping, and she imagined he might be praying, begging for some supernatural intervention on his behalf.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry to disappoint you, but Lucifer’s not one for answering prayers, especially from such a letdown as yourself, for your days of espionage have come to an end.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, she pulled the trigger, the blast scattering him in all directions, as point blank targets do.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda staggered back, the combination of the kickback and shock at what she’d done causing her to sink to the floor, Lilith quickly at her side, stroking her hair, bringing her back to reality as best she knew how.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve done it, Zelda, and now you’ve rid the world of one less predator. Let me take care of this and we will be on our way.”</p><p> </p><p>The first woman disposed of what was left of Hawthorne, quickly incinerating his remains, cleaning the scene and leaving nothing to indicate they had been present, even down to the martini glasses. Grabbing Zelda’s bag, she guided the still silent redhead out the door, where they teleported, appearing just inside the small cottage.</p><p> </p><p>By the time Lilith retrieved a glass of whiskey, pressing it into Zelda’s shaking hand, she was speaking, a rambling tumble of confused, monotonous syllables, and Lilith grew concerned, wondering if she should call Hilda, needing a healer or possibly something to jar Zelda back to reality.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m alright, I promise, I-I’ll be alright, give me a moment,” Her face, even paler than her normal ivory pallor, fixed on something over Lilith’s shoulder, and she glanced behind her, her own wide eyes taking in the sight, for Mary’s garden was aglow.</p><p> </p><p>“Moonflowers? When, where, I’ve not noticed them before. How did they get there?” Lilith seemed at a loss for words now.</p><p> </p><p>Zelda made for the door, and Lilith gave her a moment, watching as she strolled through the blooms, keeping one trained eye on the shadows, for they had slain one of Lucifer’s foot soldiers, and she was unsure of the ramifications.</p><p> </p><p>Soon making her way back inside, closing the door and leaning on it, a fragile blossom between her fingers, the phosphorescent glow lighting the slight remnants of gunpowder that stained her perfect manicure.</p><p> </p><p>“Mary loved these, and perhaps she planted them to surprise me, for the conditions must be perfect for them to flower, and now, on this night, things are just ideal.” Zelda paused, moving to stand by the window, turning to Lilith with all the expectation of a child at Solstice, the color now returned to her cheeks. “Do you think she knows?”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith didn’t doubt for one moment the connection Mary and Zelda had shared, something beyond what was seen, so the question didn’t strike her as odd, but she had no response, no way to reassure her that Mary knew her death had been avenged, but she couldn’t deny Zelda this hope, for she’d had so little lately.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure, but there’s something to be said for kismet, for the universe aligning, giving a signal if you’re so inclined to see it.” She gestured towards the window, to the nearly luminescent flora absorbing the bright moonshine, and Zelda gave a small nod, sighing quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually they found their way to the sofa, each curling their legs under themselves, planning the next step of their scheme, discussing and finalizing the details needed to carry out the second stage.</p><p> </p><p>Where Zelda had had the stomach and skills as a sniper if need be, Lilith had the nerves of steel to deal with the likes of Blackwood, so they had reversed their roles, essentially becoming each other’s hired guns. Zelda had likened it to a Barbara Stanwyck movie she particularly loved, <em> Strangers on a Train </em>, and found the connection almost humorous. </p><p> </p><p>“Hawthorne will never see it coming,” she had said conspiratorially, and she had been right on the money, and now Lilith was poised to take Faustus by surprise, as Zelda, of course.</p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>“Wear anything black, sheer, and nearly a second skin, he’ll be putty in your hands,” Zelda and Lilith ran through their last minute details, the redhead reminding her of his predilections, his need to overpower and dominate his partner first and foremost, and she had also shared a secret she’d told no one, to Lilith’s great amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“You mean to tell me, for all his bluster and braggadociousness, he was never able to please you, ever? Not even once?”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda shrugged, “I don’t think I was ever able to completely let myself go with him, to be vulnerable in the way an orgasm overtakes you, and frankly, I don’t think he ever knew or cared. He has only ever been concerned with himself.”</p><p> </p><p>“And this man stole more than a lack of pleasure from you; he, like so many other men in your life took your power away, but that’s another discussion for another night, for time is of the essence.”</p><p> </p><p>Waving her hand down the length of her body, her raven locks suddenly drew up into perfect waves around her face, lightening into a rose gold, her olive complexion paled, a witch’s mark appearing at her right temple. Looking into the glass before them, Lilith had become the mirror image of the redheaded witch. </p><p> </p><p>“I could get used to these curves, although I do adore Mary’s lithe frame,” Lilith ran her hands down her sides, smoothing the black lacy blouse, transparently revealing the black brassiere beneath. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get too comfortable, for this is a one time only deal,” Zelda smiled as Lilith attempted her classic eye roll, such an integral part of her demeanor. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, in a few hours the world will be back to a singular Zelda Spellman, and we will be one less Faustus Blackwood.”</p><p> </p><p>They teleported to the Academy doors, the witch and her clone, and they both reached for the door, Lilith opening it first, Zelda breathing a sigh of relief as even her magical signature had been recognized in the grip of Lilith’s palm.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing no one, they entered stealthily, hugging the walls, having silenced the tap of their heels on the polished floor, and outside of Blackwood’s private chambers they took each other’s hands, Zelda finding it off putting to hold her own fingers tightly. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be right here,” Zelda mouthed, Lilith nodding as she slipped into the shadows, appearing in his room, sliding from behind the thick velvet curtains.</p><p> </p><p>She saw him standing at his chest of drawers, his back to her, a trifold mirror standing open as he shaved with a straight razor, methodically dunking the blade into a tall mug and running it over the lather still resting on his neck. Longing to slip behind him, slit his throat, watch his surprised expression in the glass, then to see him crumple at her feet, Lilith fingered the dagger fastened on her thigh, but she bided her time.</p><p> </p><p>In another life she might have found him alluring, as Lucifer doled her out as a party favor to his many lackeys and associates, and she had appreciated the male form at one point in her existence. His broad shoulders littered with many tattoos, finely sculpted arms and neck, wide, strong hands, all made quite the picture. She understood Zelda’s attraction to this man, for power rolled off him as sensuously as his expensive cologne. </p><p> </p><p>But finding her pleasure in men could only be when she found them on the menu nowadays, so she made her presence known, clearing her throat and feeling a thrill of satisfaction when his razor clattered to the floor in his surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“Why, Father, did I catch you unawares? It’s only little old me,” Lilith imitated Zelda’s raspy tone to perfection.</p><p> </p><p>Conjuring a cigarette placed in her gold finger holder, she pushed off from the wall where she was leaning, sauntering to his side, bending down to collect his razor, standing slowly to give him the full effect of the scandalously tight pencil skirt clearly outlining the curves she envied earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Sister Zelda, a pleasant good evening to you, I wasn’t aware we had an appointment tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Still holding the silver blade, she folded it closed, slipping it into her pocket, then approaching him with a towel, she began to wipe away the remaining shaving cream, inadvertently smearing a bit on the sleeve of her sheer blouse.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no, this will never do.”</p><p> </p><p>She began unbuttoning the cuffs of the sleeves, thinking to rub away the offending mess, but he gripped her wrist before she could make a move.</p><p> </p><p>“Take it off then.” His voice was a growl, and she could see Zelda’s choice of attire had had the desired effect.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid I can’t, it buttons in the back, unless you want to help me?” She looked at him through lowered lashes, and she could swear she saw the swell of him through his pants already.</p><p> </p><p>Turning her back, he reached for the top button, his fingers clumsy around the tiny, delicate fasteners, until he lost his patience and tore the garment from her.</p><p> </p><p>“Faustus! I loved that blouse!” she pouted as she looked over her shoulder, and felt him tracing the scars that criss crossed her upper back, pressing down on areas that were especially sensitive, causing her to hiss in pain and gasp in pleasure, inhaling deeply on her lit cigarette.</p><p> </p><p>Leaning down next to her ear, his hot breath warming her cheek as his tongue traced the soft flesh of her earlobe, his hands roughly grabbing her breasts. </p><p> </p><p>“Shall I get the whip, for I can see you haven’t done your penance today, your back being unmarred and freshly healed.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith felt the bile rise in her throat, her disgust at his encouragement of Zelda’s self-abasement and harm rising to the surface as well, but she plastered a look of anticipation on her face as she turned around towards him.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I wonder if you might be willing to try something new, perhaps a bit of blood sport to whet your appetite this evening.”</p><p> </p><p>His pupils dilating even further, he made to leave, she supposed to find a suitable cutting implement, so she stopped him by tugging up the hem of her skirt, and his eyes followed the black fabric as it rose, finally revealing the knife she had hidden on her thigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Always prepared like a good, dependable witch,” He grabbed the knife, dragging it along the strap of her brassiere, under the elastic binding.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t destroy this one, it’s from my favorite store in Paris,” She growled back at him, swiping the knife from his palm, taking his forearm and tracing a thin line with the tip, the crimson stripe darkening with his blood quickly.</p><p> </p><p>She looked him in the eye as her tongue dragged the length of the cut, and Lilith purred in satisfaction  while he groaned, pulling her to him, placing his mouth on her neck and biting her trapezius muscle, leaving a trail of blood behind as he swiped at the wound with his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>They continued, trading off the blade and their teeth, Lilith dragging her nails down the expanse of his back, gouging open his skin, scarring over his immaculate tattoos.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s for destroying my blouse,” she said petulantly, and he reached for the zipper of her skirt, attempting to tug it down.</p><p> </p><p>Lilith knew the time was now, she had to act, for she would not allow this to continue further.</p><p> </p><p>Pushing him down to his knees, she moved behind him, trailing the blade over his shoulders, reaching down to drag the tip over his chest, and he made to grab her wrists, but she was faster.</p><p> </p><p>Looking across the room, she noticed a full length mirror captured their every move, and she grabbed his perfectly groomed hair and pulled, tugging his head back and exposing his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Faustus Blackwood,” Lilith employed her own voice now, the voice that had called forth demons for millenia, the voice that had cried out in pain as she carried the spawn of Lucifer relentlessly, the voice that had refused even god and his angels as they sought to drag her back to the garden.</p><p> </p><p>He looked up wide-eyed, caught out, terrified.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are you?” he cried.</p><p> </p><p>“Who am I? Why, I’m the dawn of doom, mother of demons, Satan’s concubine, but I want you to remember who I truly am. The first woman, the first witch, and the last woman you’ll see before you meet your creator.”</p><p> </p><p>Her glamour fell away, the rose gold curls now raven locks again, but the face was skeletal, green, the teeth sharp like tiny daggers, and small skulls took the place of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She gripped the blade tightly, slicing his neck open from ear to ear, then she let him go, and he crumpled at her feet, having breathed his last.</p><p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. landslide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You are afraid of your own power, Zelda, and it continues to hold you back, taking from you again and again, stealing opportunities, or you yourself letting them slide from your grasp. This is your time now. Avail yourself of this leadership vacuum, or once again be pushed to the side in favor of another less desirable candidate.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I feel the end is nigh. This last chapter, and then a part 3, which I think the readers of Mary's Prayer will like. Thanks for sticking around if you're reading my ramblings. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can the child within my heart rise above? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can I handle the seasons of my life? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Fleetwood Mac </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
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  <br/>
</p><p>At the sound of his body falling to the floor, Zelda pushed the door open, peering around the corner, gaze fixed on the broken, bleeding form, his torn tattoos, pools of blood forming all around him.</p><p> </p><p>“Is he…?” Her questioning voice held a tremor, her still ongoing fear of the man she allowed out under Lilith’s non-judgmental gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Quite so,” Lilith said simply, temporarily forgetting to replace her own visage with that of Mary Wardwell, feeling sure her demonic form would terrify Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>Entering Blackwood’s private chamber, she went directly to Lilith’s side, wrapping her arm around the woman’s waist, her fingertips grazing over the torn skin of her neck, the throbbing pain it caused almost an afterthought to the brunette, but Zelda’s caring gesture brought to the foreground what had taken place.</p><p> </p><p>“We should go, someone could happen by, and you don’t need to be a party to any of this, Zelda.”</p><p> </p><p>Nodding in agreement, they teleported to Mary’s cottage, the events of the night leaving them both exhausted, mentally and physically.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you...I’d like a bath after that, if only to settle my mind. The tub is large and if you’d feel it appropriate...” struggling to piece together her torn emotions, Zelda attempted to focus on Lilith and her imperative needs. “Or I could run one for you…”</p><p> </p><p>“No need, I don’t mind sharing.” With Lilith’s clipped answer, Zelda made for the bathroom, adjusting the taps and adding some soothing lavender to the soon steaming water.</p><p> </p><p>She stepped out of the dress she’d worn, carefully laying it across her bed before returning to the tub, leaving a trail of lingerie and stockings in her wake. Lilith was quietly removing her skirt, then settled on one end of the tub when she’d rid herself of the rest of her clothing. Zelda admired the body she remembered so well, sighing in resignation, and arranging herself at the other end of the tub.</p><p> </p><p>Lilith rested her forearms on the cool ceramic sides of the tub, and it was then Zelda noticed the bruises. She furrowed her brow, leaning up to touch the raw, broken skin from Faustus’s nails, not noticing the other woman’s unflinching gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that what I looked like after I’d been with him?” Zelda’s small voice barely reached Lilith’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you know the answer to that.”</p><p> </p><p>Settling back against her end of the tub, Zelda could not meet Lilith’s soft eyes, for she suddenly felt so ashamed, embarrassed at the pity she saw in those cerulean orbs.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t look at me that way, I can’t bear it, not pity, not from you,” Zelda held back a sob, feeling as though Lilith had lost all respect for her, and the loss left her bereft.</p><p> </p><p>“All I meant was kindness, you’ll get no judgement from me, for who am I to criticize you? I’ve done the same thing, been in the same position, intoxicated by the power, the promises of glory, only to be denied everything,” Lilith’s tone spoke to her understanding, her empathy. “May I ask you something?” </p><p> </p><p>Her gaze staring off into nothing now, Zelda nodded slightly, and Lilith continued.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you not marry the man? Long ago, when the opportunity was ripe, you were both young and upwardly mobile, what was it that kept you apart, aside from the fact that he was astonishingly lacking in any virtuous qualities?”</p><p> </p><p>Her mouth twitched in a mournful half smile, lost in memories of Faustus as top boy, Zelda by his side, the golden couple of the Academy in their day; arguments, loud and passionate in the library of the Spellman home, the only man who had actually listened to her scholarly rationalizations, aside from her brother; lusty Lupercalian nights, albeit unsatisfying for her, but she saw evidenced then the power she held over him, how she could withhold sexual pleasure until he begged for it. She had clearly seen a future for them both, together, as High Priest and Priestess, Lord and Lady Blackwood. But that title had gone to Constance.</p><p> </p><p>“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure,” Zelda allowed the lavender to fill her senses, breathing deeply and feeling her muscles relax, the tension to fade away. “My father saw it as a good match, the Blackwood and Spellman names together creating something powerful, a legacy he could be sure of in uncertain times. I should have known then what a mistake it was to allow Faustus into my life, for anything my father saw as a choice for me was not always in my own self-interest.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were attracted to the power then, not the man? That is what drives you, does it not?”</p><p> </p><p>Astounded how easily Lilith could cut straight to the chase, her words a skilled blade in an expert’s hands, Zelda could only shrug. </p><p> </p><p>“There was never any love between us, if that’s what you are intimating. We used each other, we took what we wanted, and at the time it was a workable situation, until…” Zelda could not continue, needing a moment, which Lilith freely gave her. “Until he took more than he gave, until he became cruel, heartless and let the power he craved for so long go straight to his head.”</p><p> </p><p>“So then, dear Zelda, why Mary?” Lilith turned the conversation so dramatically Zelda felt as if she had whiplash.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting up, drawing her knees to her chest, recognizing her own defenses kicking in, feeling she must shield her own heart and choices, Zelda conjured a cigarette, taking a soothing drag of nicotine before responding.</p><p> </p><p>“I beg your pardon? I’m not sure what this has to do with-” </p><p> </p><p>Lilith cut her off. “I only mean, why would you choose Mary Wardwell? She certainly had no power to offer you, no prestige to better your family, she, in fact, put you and your family in peril, so why her?”</p><p> </p><p>Blinking back tears now, Zelda knew the answer for it was written on her heart, and she felt Lilith was attempting to draw something from her that she had not been able to admit.</p><p> </p><p>“Mary never wanted anything from me, not anything I could do for her, anything I could give her; Mary truly only wanted me <em> for me </em>. And she gave back just that freely, without expectation.”</p><p> </p><p>“She found you completely appealing, charming to a fault, a powerful woman.”</p><p> </p><p>“As I found her to be, although she was very closed off at the start, and perhaps I found that intoxicating, a challenge, powerful in itself. I held sway over her to a point, until I realized some sort of emotional connection had taken place, that she was someone I not only desired, but who could hold a conversation, was knowledgeable and curious, someone I wanted in my life on a daily basis.”</p><p> </p><p>“And yet,” Lilith paused, conjuring herself a glass of wine as if to stall for time as Zelda had done with the cigarette, for they both enjoyed putting up a solid defense when someone ventured too close.</p><p> </p><p>“Yet?” Zelda inhaled, the smoke curling around her face with the steam from the bath as she exhaled.</p><p> </p><p>“Yet, instead of taking from you, bending you and remaking you into something she wanted, she desired, she added to your worth, smoothed your rough edges; she accomplished what you thought was impossible, assisting you as you sought to make a better life for yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“At what cost though? She lost her life in the process.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not of your making, not because of you. And what have you achieved now? You’ve toppled the very hierarchy that held Mary down, that held you back. I’d say her death definitely held meaning,” Lilith gently took Zelda’s free hand. “So what now?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not entirely sure. The Church has no leader, the Academy no director, the local high school no principal. What have we done?” Zelda’s nervous laugh belied the severity of the situation.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve created space for something new, a fresh start; perhaps one of those roles should go to you, Zelda, would you find it appealing, because your true gift has always been leadership.”</p><p> </p><p>Imagining herself before the coven, proselytizing with fervor and zeal, the robes of the High Priestess on her shoulders, Zelda’s perfect brows rose.</p><p> </p><p>“Me? Certainly there are those more qualified, more learned…”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith sighed with annoyance. “This is a most predictable response, and quite beneath you, I might add.” </p><p> </p><p>Lilith spoke with such certainty it caused Zelda to blink and pause, overwhelmed by the words from the first woman.</p><p> </p><p>“You are afraid of your own power, Zelda, and it continues to hold you back, taking from you again and again, stealing opportunities, or you yourself letting them slide from your grasp. This is your time now. Avail yourself of this leadership vacuum, or once again be pushed to the side in favor of another less desirable candidate.”</p><p> </p><p>The water cooling, her mind racing with possibilities, Zelda stood to prepare for bed, collecting the clothing she’d dropped in her haste for the bath.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice was shaky as she spoke, but her words held a conviction, a truth. </p><p> </p><p>“I will consider all you’ve said to me tonight, all that has taken place these few nights, months even, and I am forever grateful for all you’ve done for myself, and for Mary, for I fear it will be at great personal cost to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith continued sipping her wine, a wave of her hand reheating the water, for she had her own contemplating to do.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, he will have noticed our actions, to be sure, and consequences will follow, but I also feel confident and grateful for you, for you have knowledge and wisdom that will see us through to the other side,” Lilith held Zelda’s gaze, smiling a true smile. “And I must also consider my next move. For what does a concubine do without a master?”</p><p> </p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>The mood was subdued as each witch pensively sipped their coffee, lost to their own musings the following morning.</p><p> </p><p>“A school day with no Hawthorne to harass you, I imagine that will be satisfying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, you know the gossip mill will be busy at work, deciphering what or who absconded with our beloved principal. Vice Principal Glover will have her proverbial hands full today, which reminds me, I’d better get moving.”</p><p> </p><p>Laying a hand on her forearm, Zelda sincerely gave it a squeeze.</p><p> </p><p>“I do hope in your ponderings of what you should do next that staying in Greendale is something you consider. After all, no one would be the wiser, save me and Hilda.”</p><p> </p><p>“And the Dark Lord, don’t forget him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no, he hasn’t been far from my thoughts, as has what you mentioned last night about getting to the other side of this. I have an idea, but I’m not certain, I just,” she sighed, waves of doubt assaulting her. “I wish I had the confidence in myself, as Mary had when she finally found herself on solid ground in her beliefs.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been on a lifetime journey of faith, as most are, as Mary was, and this is a test of what you’ve learned thus far. You have what you need, Zelda, it is already there, present in you now.”</p><p> </p><p>Bowing her head, she thanked Lilith, feeling a flame of confidence smouldering now, but growing stronger.</p><p> </p><p>After dressing, Zelda decided to spend her day researching any type of defense they might form against the Dark Lord’s imminent arrival, any weaknesses she might find, and weapons that may prove valuable. She also knew that Ambrose could prove to be an invaluable resource in her hunt, as he had become a veritable library of ancient knowledge during his unfortunate incarceration. But this would also portend that she must inform him of recent developments, thereby endangering him. She chose to take the risk, hoping the payoff would guarantee his survival, as well as the other members of their family.</p><p> </p><p>She carried herself up several flights of stairs to his attic room once arriving at the mortuary, the house quiet except for the steady beat of music seeping from under his door.</p><p> </p><p>Rapping on the door, she then entered, surprising him mid-inhale, and he coughed his way through his greeting.</p><p> </p><p>“Auntie Zee, you’re home!”</p><p> </p><p>He stood, wrapping her in his arms, and she allowed herself to sink into his warmth and love, missing the touch of another.</p><p> </p><p>“Ambrose, are you growing a beard?” She held his chin in her hand as she backed away. </p><p> </p><p>“You noticed! Yes, I think it makes me look distinguished, like uncle Edward.”</p><p> </p><p>She beamed at that, and sat on the edge of his bed, taking his hand in her two, pulling him down next to her.</p><p> </p><p>“I need your help, dear boy, for I’m in a bit of a tight spot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you need, Auntie, just ask.”</p><p> </p><p>Swallowing the tears that threatened at his sincere gesture, she gave him some background, first filling him in about her relationship with Mary.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you and Ms. Wardwell have been seeing one another? Whoa, I’m so happy for you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, do you remember the time when you found me in the basement, a bit more intoxicated than usual?”</p><p>His face showed his confusion. “Auntie Hilda told us you were going through a rough patch, that you were down like you get sometimes. Was that not the case?”</p><p> </p><p>“It seems the Dark Lord had decided, along with Faustus Blackwood and George Hawthorne, that our relationship didn’t meet the standards of our Church or some moral code.”</p><p> </p><p>His brows rising, Ambrose took a deep breath, “What are you saying?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m telling you that the Dark Lord killed Mary, and replaced her with Lilith, his right hand. And I’ve been inhabiting Mary’s home with her ever since that time.”</p><p> </p><p>He rubbed his hand over his face, exhaling as he looked anxiously around the room. </p><p> </p><p>“So this has been some sort of punishment, unholy discipline for you? And how has Sabrina still been referring to Ms. Wardwell in the present tense?”</p><p> </p><p>Feeling overwrought from sharing her most intimate secret with him, she stood and began pacing, taking the blunt from his hand and inhaling, needing more than just nicotine in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Lilith took Mary’s form, and as part of my discipline I was to be seduced and returned to the Church of Night forthwith, but Lilith had other plans, and we took things into our hands. I hope it goes without saying that what I’m sharing with you stays between us.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah, um, I’m afraid to know the rest, to be honest.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is this too much for you? I can figure a way out on my own if need be, but you are so learned in our ancient ways, I only thought…” her voice trailed off, the comfort she had felt in sharing quickly dissipating.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no I want to help you in any way I can. You and Aunt Hilda are the only mothers I’ve ever known, and be assured I will do whatever you need me to do. This is just a lot to take in, is all.”</p><p> </p><p>Relief evident on her face, she continued, telling him of killing Hawthorne and Blackwood, and his expression of awe and respect stopped her dead.</p><p> </p><p>“Auntie, you and Lilith….<em> killed </em> our High Priest and the principal of Baxter High?”</p><p> </p><p>The implications, when coming from his mouth, solidly hit her, and she sought a place to rest as her knees suddenly failed her. </p><p> </p><p>“I suppose we did,” she laughed, although she didn’t know why. “They played a part in Mary’s untimely death, they continued to harass and belittle even going so far as to threaten both Lilith and myself, and Hell knows who else, and Ambrose…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Auntie?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was thrilling, powerful, nothing like when I kill your Aunt Hilda, for she always returns, but these, these, hangers-on were nothing but parasites, deserving of all they got.”</p><p> </p><p>“Father Blackwood was a stain on the name of the Church of Night, in all honesty, a villain of the highest order, like one of those henchmen in the black and white movies you so love.”</p><p> </p><p>“So right. Now, will you help me, because the game is still afoot. The Dark Lord is sure to want some explanation as to the death of his two minions, and we may need some sort of plan, aside from an idea I’ve already got brewing.”</p><p> </p><p>She stood to leave, expecting him to follow her, but he stayed put, pointing to his many volumes and tomes laying about the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Certainly I will, you can research in the downstairs library, and I’ll stay put. Oh, and Auntie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” She pivoted about to look him in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so very sorry about your Mary, that had to be a terrible blow. But, I see a gleam in your eye I haven’t ever seen before, and I hope whatever happens next brings you what you want.”</p><p> </p><p>Blinking back sudden tears, she rushed at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek, then turning to leave, needing a moment after his loving declaration.</p><p> </p><p>Descending the stairs, the relief she felt was overpowering, not only from the sharing, halving her burden, but in knowing Ambrose would most likely be her best source should he find a way around the Dark Lord’s vindictive ways.</p><p> </p><p>She was standing in the kitchen brewing a pot of tea to take into the library when Hilda burst in, all aflutter with excitement.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Zelds, you’re here, I won’t have to go find you. There’s to be a coven meeting tonight at the desecrated church. Faustus Blackwood was found dead this morning by some students, his body torn to pieces. The council will also be present to give us their findings about the investigation they’re conducting today.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda never thought herself an actor, but the performance she put on for Hilda had to be believable, for her sister would know if she wasn’t sincere.</p><p> </p><p>Hand to her chest, Zelda widened her eyes, willing her voice to convey the dismay she truly didn’t feel.</p><p> </p><p>“Faustus, dead? I can’t believe it. His throat cut, body torn to shreds? Whatever or whoever could have done that?”</p><p> </p><p>Hilda narrowed her eyes, looking closely at Zelda, who felt Hilda’s attempts to read her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t mention his throat. Are you involved in this somehow, sister?”</p><p> </p><p>“Me, what reason would I have to kill our High Priest?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I dunno, the fact that he terrifies you, judges you constantly, not to mention how he enjoys inflicting penance upon you, and maybe the way you ran out of the church the other night after he spoke on not mixing with mortals.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hildegard, I would remind you that <em> I </em>am your older sister, and therefore would ask you to treat me with the respect I am due. If you have no basis for these accusations, then I would suggest you desist in voicing them at once.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda finished with the tea and quickly made her way to the library before Hilda could pry anything else out of her.</p><p> </p><p>She spent the afternoon pouring over her father’s books, grimoires from a bygone era, tomes that told of binding spells, destruction of spells where the receiver was bound, but nothing spoke to the utter annihilation of Satan. She knew of the Sword of Longinus, the legendary spear that pierced Christ’s side as he was crucified, and the legend that this was, in fact, the only weapon that could kill Lucifer. But no one knew where it was located, or even if it was in one piece, so she shelved that idea. </p><p> </p><p>Not being discouraged, for she felt perhaps Ambrose had located some valuable information, and she had not heard from him for hours, since she had taken him some lunch. He barely looked up at her, waving his thanks, for he was fully immersed in his task. <em> So single minded like Edward, </em>she thought as she mounted the stairs once again. The day was drawing to a close, she wanted to get back to Lilith, inform her of what had taken place, the council’s investigation, the upcoming coven meeting.</p><p> </p><p>Opening the door, she could see Ambrose’s head still stuck in a book, and she hated to interrupt him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ambrose, I must leave now, but I wanted to check in , see if you were successful at all, for I found nothing of value in my search.”</p><p> </p><p>His downcast eyes told her everything she needed to know.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t stop looking,” he said, and she knew he wouldn’t, but deep in her heart she knew the answer already.</p><p> </p><p>Mary’s cottage was dark and quiet when she unlocked the door, and Zelda went to the kitchen, her intention to have something ready when Lilith arrived home, which was soon after.</p><p> </p><p>“Not changing before dinner?” Lilith asked as she entered the kitchen, her hair tied back and wearing a robe.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t.” She informed Lilith of Hilda’s announcement, omitting the suspicions she voiced, and how she and Ambrose had spent the better part of the day digging for some way to defeat Lucifer.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you I had a few loyal demons left to me in Hell, I called in a favor and they set the scene in Blackwood's quarters, making it look like a good time gone bad. And you shouldn’t have wasted your nephew’s time, for you already know what to do.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith took the plate offered to her, sitting at the kitchen table, her gaze arrested by the flowers just outside the window, the sun just dipping below the horizon, a dusky haze enveloping the house.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you say those moonflowers only bloomed when conditions were ideal?” </p><p> </p><p>Zelda nearly dropped her plate as she saw the moonflowers aglow again, their luminosity even brighter than before.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never seen this phenomenon occur twice, I suppose the weather has been unseasonably pleasant, perhaps the flora is responding accordingly.”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking her head, Lilith rolled her eyes at Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be daft, Zelda, you can read the signs as well as any witch, this is a message to you. And if I’m correct, it’s a reminder. Think, my dear, what would your Mary tell you if she were here?”</p><p> </p><p>Mary’s defiant declaration as she walked out the door and out of Zelda’s life passed by her as if it were moments before.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “What did you call my god? The false god, as I recall. And is your god the one you fear, the reason you try so hard to protect your family, to keep them from danger? Who is to say that your god is the true god? Aren’t our beliefs based solely on the power we imbue into them?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Could it be that simple? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Mary’s religious beliefs held her in a tight grip for so long, and her freedom came from putting them aside, living her own life on her own terms.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Lilith sipped her wine, nodding vigorously. “And her fear fell away, after a time, and she loved you fully and without reservation.”</p><p> </p><p>“I kept her in my own cage of fear, and I refused to speak of it, to even give it voice,” Zelda’s voice was tinged with regret. “I should have listened to her then.”</p><p> </p><p>“You had your reasons, Zelda, and she realized that later. You two were so enmeshed in your own phobias and trepidations, it was a commonality between you, what drew you together.”</p><p> </p><p>Standing suddenly, Zelda took the side door out to the garden, and she felt a presence, a comfort, a hand on her shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>As she prepared to leave for the church, Zelda popped her head into Lilith’s bedroom, not particularly wanting to leave the woman alone, exposed and in danger.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you won’t come with me? I feel, I’m afraid,” Zelda didn’t want to let her fears overtake her good sense, for she knew Lilith, like herself had come into something, the change and boldness in the first witch evident.</p><p> </p><p>“You want me there to witness your moment of victory?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t tease me, what if he comes here while you’re alone?”</p><p> </p><p>“My dear Zelda, I’ve been preparing for this for days, months truly, and I assure you, I’m ready.”</p><p> </p><p>Nodding her head, Zelda whispered a transporting spell and arrived at the doors of the church, the council beginning the call to order as she hurried to her seat next to Hilda.</p><p> </p><p>They quickly delivered their findings, deeming Blackwood’s death the work of an uncontrolled sex demon, Blackwood in over his head or so it seemed. Moving on to the matter at hand, electing a new High Priest, as Faustus had no known living heirs. Constance had no interest in the position, and so it fell on the coven to choose his successor.</p><p> </p><p>The council departed with an admonition to the group to choose a “suitable candidate”, meaning a misogynistic mirror image of Blackwood, or so it seemed to Zelda.</p><p> </p><p>Brother Lovecraft, seated behind the sisters, stood to his feet, cleared his throat and made the first nomination.</p><p> </p><p>“I nominate Zelda Spellman for the position of High Priest, rather, Priestess. Her brother’s successor should, for all intents and purposes, have been a Spellman, and I say it is high time to rectify that miscarriage of justice.”</p><p> </p><p>Hilda quickly seconded the nomination, giggling as she sat down next to a stunned and silent Zelda, her eyes wide.</p><p> </p><p> Across the aisle, Mildred stood and loudly nominated Shirley Jackson for the position, taking Zelda back to their Academy days when Shirley sought Edward’s attentions, and took her spite out on his sisters when he chose Diana.</p><p> </p><p>Both women were asked to speak briefly, Shirley touting traditional beliefs, carrying on Faustus’s great leadership, and Zelda soon tuned her out, thinking of what she might say to sway the coven.</p><p> </p><p>As she stood before the varied group, her gaze drifted to the back of the room, and she saw Lilith standing there, pride evident across her features.</p><p> </p><p>She began by lifting up her brother, his values, his unfulfilled vision for the church, how he had desired his daughter to be raised in the Church, learning their values and traditions, and how she and her sister had done their best to respect his wishes.</p><p> </p><p>Hesitating a moment, she came to the heart of her message.</p><p> </p><p>“I also identify with some of my brother’s more progressive tenets, some much more recently than others. He believed in the melding of the witch and mortal world, in how their blood would serve to strengthen our numbers, and I, too, hold that to be true. Sabrina is a true example of that mixing of our realms, and a very powerful witch she has become and is still becoming.”</p><p> </p><p>She heard murmurs now, shaking heads of disapproval causing her to doubt herself, so she glanced again to the back of the church, hoping for a bit of encouragement from Lilith, only she was no longer there.</p><p> </p><p>“Do continue, Sister!” Brother Lovecraft provided her with the enthusiasm she needed to proceed.</p><p> </p><p>“The final tenet my brother and I shared is rather controversial, but I feel if you mean to elect me your High Priestess then I must be upfront and honest with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda cleared her throat, looking now to Hilda, her long-suffering sister who knew all her secrets, and kept them, and always would; Hilda smiled warmly, knowing what she was about to extol, how what she would share could change the course of their way of life.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe in free will, brothers and sisters, do what thou wilt. I haven’t followed the Dark Lord truly since soon after my Dark Baptism, for I’ve prayed to another, put my faith in another, and it has cost me dearly, but I’ve come to an understanding about our realm I would like to pass on to the next generation.”</p><p> </p><p>At that, the back door burst open, Lucifer in his angelic form entering, rage evident in his eyes and clenched fists.</p><p> </p><p>“Hypocrite! Blasphemer! You don’t deserve to darken the doors of this unholy place!”</p><p> </p><p>Zelda felt her windpipe begin to close, an unseen hand tightening around her neck, but she did not give in or back down, she looked him in the eye as he approached.</p><p> </p><p>“On your knees, witch! Down where you belong, you have no right or claim to lead this coven!”</p><p> </p><p>She felt herself falling, her knees hitting the solid surface of the floor, pain ricocheting through her body, but she did not look away.</p><p> </p><p>A voice running through her mind caused her to glance away for a second, catching a glimpse of Lilith at the door again, bruised and battered, but standing, willing Zelda to be strong, not give in to her fear.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The power you need has always been in you. You are sufficient, you are enough.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Looking Lucifer in the eye, she began to stand of her own accord, her ability to breathe returning.</p><p> </p><p>“You have no power on your own, Spellman. Just like your brother, you’ve tried to rise above your station, flout the rules, live as you choose, and where has it gotten you?”</p><p> </p><p>She found her voice, and the words she spoke were not only for him, but for her father, for Faustus, for every man that had doubted her.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not afraid of you, not anymore, for you have no power over me, no sway over my feelings and beliefs. I am my own person, and I can choose who I follow, what I stand for, and most certainly who I choose to love.” </p><p> </p><p>Silence greeted him after she spoke, no one standing for her or against her, and the Dark Lord swept up to the podium where she stood, lowering his face to hers, the brimstone and sulphur almost choking her, and his whispered something before stalking away, slamming the doors behind him.</p><p> </p><p>The coven seemed to be frozen, and Zelda realized they had been under some sort of time spell, for when the door slammed, they sprang to life, having never seen or heard anything Lucifer had done.</p><p> </p><p>“Sister Zelda, I believe it’s time for a vote if you are finished.” </p><p> </p><p>They voted simply, dropping a black ball into the voting box for Zelda, or a white one for Shirley, and when the votes were tallied, Zelda had won, but only by a small margin.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t think of that now, the very idea of being High Priestess had always been her highest ambition, but her greatest concern at the moment was Lilith.</p><p> </p><p>Hilda caught her on her way out the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you going , sister? Your coven wants to congratulate you, for you’ve won!” </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t right now, Hilda. please make them understand, for Lucifer is here, and I must see to Lilith.”</p><p> </p><p>Passing through the church doors, she teleported directly to the cottage, falling again to her knees in relief to see Lilith sitting before the hearth, her blue eyes aflame with hellfire.</p><p> </p><p>“He was here, Zelda, and I told him,” she choked on her own tears, and Zelda took her arms, held her steady as she talked. “I told him he had no power over me, that I refuse to bow to him, to do his will any longer. He tried to harm me, tried to tell me how wrong I was, that I needed him, but I wouldn’t listen. Eventually he gave up, but only for now. He’ll be back, but I’ll be ready.”</p><p> </p><p>“He said essentially the same thing to me, and he whispered to me before he left that this would never be over, that he had my name in the Book of the Beast, that I would always be his. But I will be ready for him.”</p><p> </p><p>They embraced, the final healing they needed taking place. </p><p> </p><p>“I heard you there when I was speaking, telling me I was enough, just myself. And Lilith, I am the next High Priestess, on my own merit, well mine and Edward’s. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations on that, for accepting that role, finding your place, but Zelda, that wasn’t me speaking. I’ve been here the entire night.”</p><p> </p><p>Wrinkling her brow, puzzled by what she felt sure she’d heard, Zelda shrugged, the mystery not quite leaving her mind.</p><p> </p><p>“What will you do? Did you decide on a suitable path for yourself? Perhaps we could be the Church of Lilith now.”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking her head, Lilith closed her eyes as she answered. “No, I don’t want to be worshipped, I just want to be free, to live as I choose. I’m going to leave, and I don’t know where I’m going, and that suits me just fine. I was actually waiting for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re leaving now? We’ve only just begun to better things, and now you are going?”</p><p> </p><p>Holding Zelda’s cheek in her hand, Lilith chuckled. </p><p> </p><p>“You have to make the big decisions now, High Priestess, I’ll only hinder you, make you second guess yourself, this is your time.”</p><p> </p><p>Lilith stood, wrapping her arms around Zelda once more, relishing the tender way Zelda leaned into her touch.</p><p> </p><p>As she readied herself to go, she took Zelda’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I know we frequented the woods at sunset, sitting on our rocks, watching the colors light up the trees, and I’ll never forget your forgiveness and understanding in those conversations. But you may want to try that same spot at sunrise, I hear it’s brilliant then as well.”</p><p> </p><p>And, with that, she disappeared.</p><p>**********</p><p> </p><p>Zelda spent that night alone in the cottage, sitting on the sofa, unable to sleep after all the events of the past few days. Her heart pounded when she thought of the immense responsibilities that lay ahead of her, but she knew she was not alone, that she could depend on her family, and the many coven members that supported her in her bid for High Priestess.</p><p> </p><p>Remembering Lilith’s words, and needing time to clear her mind, she left the cottage, walking the well-worn path into the woods, the sun just peeking over the horizon, its warm rays in her eyes as she reached the rocks.</p><p> </p><p>She saw a figure, but the bright light shone around it, blocking the identity of whomever had chosen to take a sunrise walk this same morning.</p><p> </p><p>As she grew closer, she saw the dark hair, flowing in wavy ribbons down the back of what she could tell was a woman, and as she grew closer, she recognized the garment the woman wore.</p><p> </p><p>Realization struck like lightning, for Lilith had left her a gift, and sobs broke from her as she closed the gap between them, as she repeated one name again and again.</p><p> </p><p>She caught the woman as she turned, holding her tightly, vowing now to never let her go.</p><p> </p><p>“Mary,” she whispered. “Mary, I’m here, I’ve got you.”</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are appreciated and loved! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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